[ There's something about how someone being unapologetically themselves catches Ibuki's attention, makes him want to stare and observe like he's looking into a kaleidoscope. And to him, the way Shigaraki stands his ground no matter what happens is the most eye-catching of them all.
May they continue to be themselves until the very end. ]
I remember.
[ Ah yes, that day. He recalls the beeps of Paperboy, the sweet taste of the cupcake, and of course, the discussion about his Master. Turning his head to the extra hand in the area, he peers at it with curious eyes. Not disgusted or disturbed, simply intrigued at the new sight. Some lingering resentment stirs when he mentions it's his father's hand, but it feels filtered through a sort of sieve now. It doesn't reach his expression at all. ]
Looks kind of cool after all. [ Putting what it is aside, hands are pretty cool. ] But right, accessories are optional for a reason? No harm in keeping it somewhere when not in use.
What, did you think it wasn't gonna be? [ That's largely a joke because he knows he's a chuuni and doesn't care. He's also been called every name in the book when it comes to these hands. ]
Yeah, but I was wonderin' if I should get a new accessory. I wouldn't know what to get though cuz these were given to me.
[ His tone is joking, since even he's kind of aware that hands aren't a typical accessory. Not that he's one to mind human norms much, but still. It definitely stands out in a crowd. He wonders how that went over.
That aside, Ibuki tilts his head to the side, going through a list of accessories in his mind. ]
If you want to? I'm probably not the best to ask for recommendations. Usually I only wear my charm as an earring. [ He gestures towards the earring on his right ear with his free hand. ] But if it helps, these can come as bracelets, necklaces, phone charms, and watches.
[ He cocks his head at the gesture and the charm, thinking more. ]
It'd have to be sturdy whatever it is. Property damage goes along with the whole destruction thing. [ Which is to say as a shounen, he rarely escapes combat nowadays without losing at least part of his wardrobe, getting burned, tossed around, you name it. It's all in good fun. ]
Ah, I usually fight as Moravia, so I don't have to worry about damaging it then.
[ The joys of being a magical girl with all the rules it implies. ]
Almost anything can get blown up if you try hard enough though. Even something like hair extensions. [ Maybe this is why he usually doesn't wear many accessories, now that he thinks about it. ] Yuuki's friend wears nail polish, but it'd probably chip off in a fight? Rings can get caught in something...
I'm not a turtle either! [ He makes a face which is funny considering he walked around with 14 pairs of hands for over a decade, but looking like a turtle or a fungus is where we draw the line. ]
Shells are useful yeah, but they don't fit my image.
Yeah, you're much faster. [ Okay, that gets an audible chuckle out of him. ]
Point taken. [ Shigakoopa... ] I'm sure you can think of one eventually if you still feel like it later? Ideas always seem to pop up in the most unexpected ways.
[ Time to find out! He'll need his hand back to divide the melon and...I'd love to say he had the foresight to bring a knife but he does not. Thankfully he uh. Does have the strength to literally rip this melon in two?
This is fine. Here's your half of the melon Ibuki. ]
Hopefully not. But then you know you can just grab a bunch of melon soda instead.
[ Honestly, ripping it by hand was his first thought as well. Hurray for the ability to self-augment his physical strength. But since Shigaraki beat him to it, Ibuki simply takes his half and takes a bite.
Before he can form and voice an opinion though, he's distracted by a memory surrounds them yet again. ]
2/2 cw: body horror, questionable fanfic (thanks yashima)
[ One of the researchers outside unceremoniously pushes you into the room.
"Take care of this already!"
The researchers' voices ring in your ears, an alarm you're not supposed to ignore. You know what they mean: they want you to dispose of the anomaly standing there. Nearby, a Vector—the unfortunate result of failed experiments—raises an unnaturally muscled arm tipped with sharp claws, ready to tear into the nearest human. The man continues yelling, barking orders at an almost impressive word per second.
It all happened so quickly. From what you can tell, this should've been a mundane experiment. But the restraints malfunctioned at the same time a test subject completed their transformation into a Vector. You think it serves them right.
At the same time, you were also told that your purpose was to aid them in their goals. For humanity's future. Your existence is a boon to them. Your helping hand theirs.
Reluctantly, you raise your arm, about to use psychokinesis to move the researcher away from the rampaging Vector. With your refined control, it should be easy enough to take care of this situation without either side getting hurt. But then he says something that makes you pause.
"Stop ignoring me! Kill it! I don't want to die!"
Something in your blood runs cold. The sight in front of you seems to shift a little, feel a little slower. There's a weight in your chest that keeps increasing. Really? He's going to say all of that in the same breath? When his own carelessness led him into this situation? And "it"? He saw with his own eyes what they used to be. You barely know this man, but you've seen his face around enough. He's not oblivious to the truth behind the Vectors.
And yet he says all of that. Like he doesn't deserve this. Like they deserve all this.
Who are they to decide this for you?
The ice in your veins freezes you. The timing to pull the researcher out of the way passes. The Vector's claws plunge into the man's guts. He screams, falling to the floor with an almost comical thud. The sound should be an alarm, but you don't feel the call to help as keenly as before. Suddenly, the screams shift to something more reminiscent of bleating.
You back away. You know you were told to do something about this, but right now? You don't want to enforce their will. Why did you let them pull you here anyway? You wonder why you were trying to follow them in the first place. That Vector deserves to do whatever they want to that man.
Don't you also deserve to make that choice as well?
While you're staring at the sight, more people enter the room, screaming. All they do is add to the cacophony. Time passes as they try to get the situation under control. You stand there, watching them. You hear their pleas, but every time, you can't help but think that the Vector's rage is valid.
More bodies twist and turn, losing their shape as they're forcibly turned into their own failed experiments. Do they realize the irony in this? Maybe, maybe not. No matter the answer though, this chaos makes it easy to slip past them. That realization snaps you out of the haze in your mind. Someone tries to stop you from leaving, but you dodge the attempt. As long as they expect you to silence them, you don't want to be here.
As you speed down the hall, a true alarm goes off. This time the sound seems to pull everything you've been thinking these past few weeks into one whole lightbulb.
There's a distraction. You've snuck out enough to know the general layout of the colony. In fact, you've discovered an obscure way to leave Theta entirely. Not only that, you know there's another colony outside the walls, the one where the Vectors are being taken. And secretly, that there's one man living there in self-exile. You may not trust him, but Togo and Sana did, enough to entrust him with their safety and treasure. Everything's mostly in place.
Somehow, isn't this the perfect time to leave?
You suddenly stop at that thought.
But if it's really time to leave... The face of a boy bubbles up in your mind, smiling even as his eye bleeds. Smiling because he wanted the favor of the researchers and thought pushing himself would make them turn his way. Something in your stomach churns.
Immediately changing course, you run towards the building you know the boy—Yukinami—stays in around this time. Memories of Yukinami swirl inside your brain, simultaneously warm and cold. You don't think you're mistaken about how he'd respond, but your mind won't stop offering other possibilities. It's not like they talked as much as he did to Togo, back in the day.
And as if everything today wasn't a sign already, you immediately spot him running out of the building alongside some of their fellow test subjects. You raise your voice just enough for him to hear you, and of course he notices immediately, turning his head in your direction. When you beckon towards yourself, he disengages from the crowd, running towards you instead.
Good, they don't have much time to stand here. This time, you hold out your hand towards him. You're not entirely sure why you're doing it like this, but something about it feels right to you. So you might as well.
"Yukinami, if I told you we could leave now, what would you do?" You peer at his face, his false eye, not quite knowing what you're searching for. It's not like you're unaware of what his answer will be.
"Leave with you, of course." The answer's almost immediate, as expected. He easily takes your hand. Even though you predicted his words, hearing it makes you smile for the first time today, something like relief spreading through your joined hands. But it doesn't erase the weight in your chest. "So where to?"
"Somewhere not here." All you know right now is that you can't stay here any longer. You don't know if this will help him. You don't even know if this will help yourself. Is this even the right choice? Who knows? But in your heart, surely killing the Vector in their name wasn't the right one. (Then what would've been okay?)
Ah, no, the two of you can't just stand there. It's time to move. Like you just said, you have to leave now. You can think more about this strange weight inside of you some other time.
Hand in hand, you start to lead Yukinami away from the building, the colony, this life of theirs. And so the memory starts to fade. ]
[ Doubt is such a foreign feeling to Shigaraki Tomura. The last time he felt doubt was when he was five, when he wasn't sure if killing two thugs who had beaten him near senseless was the right move to make. But ever since then, he's received nothing but affirmation. Anything you want can be yours, anything you want to take is yours to grasp. Nothing can stop you but yourself.
Growing up hearing that in the isolation sure did make him a brat. Still, he never doubted in the throws of his immaturity even if he whined. He's not sure he remembers what that feels like, but this memory that he wants to reach out and touch, reach out to destroy because this is how he expresses himself, almost makes him feel like he should remember.
He puts his half of the melon down, not even remembering what it tasted like. Food, like so many things, is inconsequential to him. Very little things matter; it's a large part of what makes him who he is. But, some people do.
He leans forward not to grab Ibuki's hand, but to place a hand against his chest. ]
[ It's not like he hasn't thought about what happened in that room, like a video on repeat. Gouged at it to figure out everything that led him to do what he did that day.
He's a little surprised at how disconnected that memory feels. What it focuses on. Didn't he remember more of the words screamed in that room as more and more became Vectors? It wasn't all researchers who came in after that man, right? But it's not like the memory is incorrect. The facts are all there.
In a way, it feels like he glossed over what happened, painting it over and over with what he thinks he felt in those moments. That doesn't make that memory any less real, but the emotional discrepancy gives him pause. Even with what he has and knows now, part of him wants to gouge at it again by habit.
But when a hand touches his chest, he looks up, shocked out of his reverie. He didn't realize he was looking down, staring at his own hands. Just his hands, the melon having being set down somewhere nearby. When did he put it down? Who knows?
Slowly, he places his own hand over Shigaraki's. Something about the motion anchors him back down. Gives him something else to focus on, calms him down. Shigaraki's presence always seems to do that for him nowadays.
The urge to pick it all apart remains, but it slowly recedes to the background as his mind finally settles back into the moment.
He's no longer that runaway child. ]
The answer you gave me made it so much easier to breathe. I don't think I realized just how much it weighed me down.
[ And how much his doubt was affecting him and the ones he cares about. The thought makes his fingers curl a bit. ]
Sometimes I still feel like there's something there, but it doesn't feel like it's burying me.
[ Like a sort of phantom pain. For all of his joy at finally feeling at peace with himself, the time he has spent puzzling over this riddle existed. But now he thinks he can embrace that pain. Acknowledge how important the journey was to him. Move on.
He doesn't have the words for how grateful he feels that someone like him could reach this point. ]
I've told you, yeah? No one can make you do anything you don't wanna do anymore. [ This is very ironic coming from him given their situation, but he truly believes that. There's no possession or mind control, the decision to murder is entirely a choice even if it might not feel like one to those pushed into it. The decision to resist, like Merlin did, is also a choice. ]
And you can go back and destroy everything that's still left, 'til you're truly free. [ His own fingers curl slightly in response, an answer for that call. ]
[ Irony is right. But Ibuki has long since made his decision to offer Shigaraki his hand to see this through. As a result, he killed Skywarp out of his own free will. Sure, people could say he was motivated by others (he certainly wanted to avoid a Toucan dying), but in the end, it was ultimately his choice to deal the final blow.
At the same time, it was also his choice to carry Skywarp onto a stage decorated in a way he thought he'd enjoy. All of those actions, even if it sounds contradictory, is part and parcel of what makes him himself. That's just how he is, and he accepts that now. He wonders if anyone else here realizes that. Not that the answer to that really matters.
In the end... ]
Yeah, my choices are up to me. And the me right now has no reason to hold back on destroying that colony and everything they stand for.
[ It's just a matter of finding his way back now. But for now, he continues to focus on the touch, wanting to commit this moment to memory. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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May they continue to be themselves until the very end. ]
I remember.
[ Ah yes, that day. He recalls the beeps of Paperboy, the sweet taste of the cupcake, and of course, the discussion about his Master. Turning his head to the extra hand in the area, he peers at it with curious eyes. Not disgusted or disturbed, simply intrigued at the new sight. Some lingering resentment stirs when he mentions it's his father's hand, but it feels filtered through a sort of sieve now. It doesn't reach his expression at all. ]
Looks kind of cool after all. [ Putting what it is aside, hands are pretty cool. ] But right, accessories are optional for a reason? No harm in keeping it somewhere when not in use.
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Yeah, but I was wonderin' if I should get a new accessory. I wouldn't know what to get though cuz these were given to me.
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[ His tone is joking, since even he's kind of aware that hands aren't a typical accessory. Not that he's one to mind human norms much, but still. It definitely stands out in a crowd. He wonders how that went over.
That aside, Ibuki tilts his head to the side, going through a list of accessories in his mind. ]
If you want to? I'm probably not the best to ask for recommendations. Usually I only wear my charm as an earring. [ He gestures towards the earring on his right ear with his free hand. ] But if it helps, these can come as bracelets, necklaces, phone charms, and watches.
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[ He cocks his head at the gesture and the charm, thinking more. ]
It'd have to be sturdy whatever it is. Property damage goes along with the whole destruction thing. [ Which is to say as a shounen, he rarely escapes combat nowadays without losing at least part of his wardrobe, getting burned, tossed around, you name it. It's all in good fun. ]
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[ The joys of being a magical girl with all the rules it implies. ]
Almost anything can get blown up if you try hard enough though. Even something like hair extensions. [ Maybe this is why he usually doesn't wear many accessories, now that he thinks about it. ] Yuuki's friend wears nail polish, but it'd probably chip off in a fight? Rings can get caught in something...
[ Huh, this is tougher than he thought? ]
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[ Because of course he's punching something. ]
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A necklace might work? But I dunno of what. Keychains not bad either, but same thing.
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I'm not wearing a mushroom.
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A shell is funner to use.
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Shells are useful yeah, but they don't fit my image.
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Point taken. [ Shigakoopa... ] I'm sure you can think of one eventually if you still feel like it later? Ideas always seem to pop up in the most unexpected ways.
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[ Look, self awareness! And since they're still holding hands, he uses one of fingers to poke Ibuki's hand. See, that's how they got here too. ]
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Yeah, we're living in the present, so might as well take the pickups as they come.
[ Like new words for his vocabulary pool. It has expanded in a strange direction since he came here, that's for sure. ]
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[ The stupid fancy melon. ]
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Sure, can't waste a melon that's right there. Let's break it apart now.
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[ Time to find out! He'll need his hand back to divide the melon and...I'd love to say he had the foresight to bring a knife but he does not. Thankfully he uh. Does have the strength to literally rip this melon in two?
This is fine. Here's your half of the melon Ibuki. ]
1/2
[ Honestly, ripping it by hand was his first thought as well. Hurray for the ability to self-augment his physical strength. But since Shigaraki beat him to it, Ibuki simply takes his half and takes a bite.
Before he can form and voice an opinion though, he's distracted by a memory surrounds them yet again. ]
2/2 cw: body horror, questionable fanfic (thanks yashima)
"Take care of this already!"
The researchers' voices ring in your ears, an alarm you're not supposed to ignore. You know what they mean: they want you to dispose of the anomaly standing there. Nearby, a Vector—the unfortunate result of failed experiments—raises an unnaturally muscled arm tipped with sharp claws, ready to tear into the nearest human. The man continues yelling, barking orders at an almost impressive word per second.
It all happened so quickly. From what you can tell, this should've been a mundane experiment. But the restraints malfunctioned at the same time a test subject completed their transformation into a Vector. You think it serves them right.
At the same time, you were also told that your purpose was to aid them in their goals. For humanity's future. Your existence is a boon to them. Your helping hand theirs.
Reluctantly, you raise your arm, about to use psychokinesis to move the researcher away from the rampaging Vector. With your refined control, it should be easy enough to take care of this situation without either side getting hurt. But then he says something that makes you pause.
"Stop ignoring me! Kill it! I don't want to die!"
Something in your blood runs cold. The sight in front of you seems to shift a little, feel a little slower. There's a weight in your chest that keeps increasing. Really? He's going to say all of that in the same breath? When his own carelessness led him into this situation? And "it"? He saw with his own eyes what they used to be. You barely know this man, but you've seen his face around enough. He's not oblivious to the truth behind the Vectors.
And yet he says all of that. Like he doesn't deserve this. Like they deserve all this.
Who are they to decide this for you?
The ice in your veins freezes you. The timing to pull the researcher out of the way passes. The Vector's claws plunge into the man's guts. He screams, falling to the floor with an almost comical thud. The sound should be an alarm, but you don't feel the call to help as keenly as before. Suddenly, the screams shift to something more reminiscent of bleating.
You back away. You know you were told to do something about this, but right now? You don't want to enforce their will. Why did you let them pull you here anyway? You wonder why you were trying to follow them in the first place. That Vector deserves to do whatever they want to that man.
Don't you also deserve to make that choice as well?
While you're staring at the sight, more people enter the room, screaming. All they do is add to the cacophony. Time passes as they try to get the situation under control. You stand there, watching them. You hear their pleas, but every time, you can't help but think that the Vector's rage is valid.
More bodies twist and turn, losing their shape as they're forcibly turned into their own failed experiments. Do they realize the irony in this? Maybe, maybe not. No matter the answer though, this chaos makes it easy to slip past them. That realization snaps you out of the haze in your mind. Someone tries to stop you from leaving, but you dodge the attempt. As long as they expect you to silence them, you don't want to be here.
As you speed down the hall, a true alarm goes off. This time the sound seems to pull everything you've been thinking these past few weeks into one whole lightbulb.
There's a distraction. You've snuck out enough to know the general layout of the colony. In fact, you've discovered an obscure way to leave Theta entirely. Not only that, you know there's another colony outside the walls, the one where the Vectors are being taken. And secretly, that there's one man living there in self-exile. You may not trust him, but Togo and Sana did, enough to entrust him with their safety and treasure. Everything's mostly in place.
Somehow, isn't this the perfect time to leave?
You suddenly stop at that thought.
But if it's really time to leave... The face of a boy bubbles up in your mind, smiling even as his eye bleeds. Smiling because he wanted the favor of the researchers and thought pushing himself would make them turn his way. Something in your stomach churns.
Immediately changing course, you run towards the building you know the boy—Yukinami—stays in around this time. Memories of Yukinami swirl inside your brain, simultaneously warm and cold. You don't think you're mistaken about how he'd respond, but your mind won't stop offering other possibilities. It's not like they talked as much as he did to Togo, back in the day.
And as if everything today wasn't a sign already, you immediately spot him running out of the building alongside some of their fellow test subjects. You raise your voice just enough for him to hear you, and of course he notices immediately, turning his head in your direction. When you beckon towards yourself, he disengages from the crowd, running towards you instead.
Good, they don't have much time to stand here. This time, you hold out your hand towards him. You're not entirely sure why you're doing it like this, but something about it feels right to you. So you might as well.
"Yukinami, if I told you we could leave now, what would you do?" You peer at his face, his false eye, not quite knowing what you're searching for. It's not like you're unaware of what his answer will be.
"Leave with you, of course." The answer's almost immediate, as expected. He easily takes your hand. Even though you predicted his words, hearing it makes you smile for the first time today, something like relief spreading through your joined hands. But it doesn't erase the weight in your chest. "So where to?"
"Somewhere not here." All you know right now is that you can't stay here any longer. You don't know if this will help him. You don't even know if this will help yourself. Is this even the right choice? Who knows? But in your heart, surely killing the Vector in their name wasn't the right one. (Then what would've been okay?)
Ah, no, the two of you can't just stand there. It's time to move. Like you just said, you have to leave now. You can think more about this strange weight inside of you some other time.
Hand in hand, you start to lead Yukinami away from the building, the colony, this life of theirs. And so the memory starts to fade. ]
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Growing up hearing that in the isolation sure did make him a brat. Still, he never doubted in the throws of his immaturity even if he whined. He's not sure he remembers what that feels like, but this memory that he wants to reach out and touch, reach out to destroy because this is how he expresses himself, almost makes him feel like he should remember.
He puts his half of the melon down, not even remembering what it tasted like. Food, like so many things, is inconsequential to him. Very little things matter; it's a large part of what makes him who he is. But, some people do.
He leans forward not to grab Ibuki's hand, but to place a hand against his chest. ]
...that weight. Is it still there?
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He's a little surprised at how disconnected that memory feels. What it focuses on. Didn't he remember more of the words screamed in that room as more and more became Vectors? It wasn't all researchers who came in after that man, right? But it's not like the memory is incorrect. The facts are all there.
In a way, it feels like he glossed over what happened, painting it over and over with what he thinks he felt in those moments. That doesn't make that memory any less real, but the emotional discrepancy gives him pause. Even with what he has and knows now, part of him wants to gouge at it again by habit.
But when a hand touches his chest, he looks up, shocked out of his reverie. He didn't realize he was looking down, staring at his own hands. Just his hands, the melon having being set down somewhere nearby. When did he put it down? Who knows?
Slowly, he places his own hand over Shigaraki's. Something about the motion anchors him back down. Gives him something else to focus on, calms him down. Shigaraki's presence always seems to do that for him nowadays.
The urge to pick it all apart remains, but it slowly recedes to the background as his mind finally settles back into the moment.
He's no longer that runaway child. ]
The answer you gave me made it so much easier to breathe. I don't think I realized just how much it weighed me down.
[ And how much his doubt was affecting him and the ones he cares about. The thought makes his fingers curl a bit. ]
Sometimes I still feel like there's something there, but it doesn't feel like it's burying me.
[ Like a sort of phantom pain. For all of his joy at finally feeling at peace with himself, the time he has spent puzzling over this riddle existed. But now he thinks he can embrace that pain. Acknowledge how important the journey was to him. Move on.
He doesn't have the words for how grateful he feels that someone like him could reach this point. ]
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I've told you, yeah? No one can make you do anything you don't wanna do anymore. [ This is very ironic coming from him given their situation, but he truly believes that. There's no possession or mind control, the decision to murder is entirely a choice even if it might not feel like one to those pushed into it. The decision to resist, like Merlin did, is also a choice. ]
And you can go back and destroy everything that's still left, 'til you're truly free. [ His own fingers curl slightly in response, an answer for that call. ]
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At the same time, it was also his choice to carry Skywarp onto a stage decorated in a way he thought he'd enjoy. All of those actions, even if it sounds contradictory, is part and parcel of what makes him himself. That's just how he is, and he accepts that now. He wonders if anyone else here realizes that. Not that the answer to that really matters.
In the end... ]
Yeah, my choices are up to me. And the me right now has no reason to hold back on destroying that colony and everything they stand for.
[ It's just a matter of finding his way back now. But for now, he continues to focus on the touch, wanting to commit this moment to memory. ]
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I'm sure it'll look really sweet too. You should ask someone to take a picture when you do it.
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no ones reading this anymore right? yes, good
i'll know someone is when kao suddenly messages me
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