[You’re looking out on the lake with a young boy: your wife’s son, Ryan. You don’t think you’re equipped to be the kind of parent he needs with everything inside of you, but the least you can do is do what you promised your wife and keep him safe, and make sure Ryan never becomes the sort of monster his biological father is.
He has to go into hiding with the CIA so his father doesn’t find him. He’s essentially going to be alone. So it doesn’t surprise you when Ryan tells you he’s scared.
You aren’t sure how to comfort him, but you have to try. Because you promised. So you take off a small chain necklace that you’ve been wearing for years now and show Ryan.]
This here belonged to your mum. It’s a Saint Christopher. She gave it to me a long time ago and told me it would keep me safe. And it has. …mostly.
[You put the necklace over Ryan’s head gently, letting it settle on his shoulders as he holds the charm on it.]
And now your mum is gonna help keep you safe.
[You hear the sound of the car pulling in and gently coax Ryan over. Grace Mallory, your former boss and trusted confidant, will look out for him. You trust her, and she has the experience of being a grandmother. It’d be a bit of a shame if she never got that again, you think in spite of yourself. Before Ryan gets in the car, you exchange a handshake and a few words.]
Remember what I told you.
Don’t be a cunt.
[You can’t help a little smile at him. As the car drives off, Mallory offers you her condolences. You’ve lost your wife all over again, after all. She says she’ll handle Vought and the fact that they’ll be wanting Ryan back in their custody, and asks you something.]
[ ...huh. Usually his thoughts form pretty quickly nowadays, but this makes Shigaraki stop and think. It's a reverberation, even if it's a hollow one; a genuine, carefree forming on his lips. ]
Fathers...do you know what he turned out to be yet? [ Even if the memory is relatively recent, a lot can happen even in the shortest gaps. ]
[ That's valid. His genuine smiles tend to be the more disarming ones, from the empty and not so empty space where his heart should be.
The chuckle he lets out is more familiar, heavy and dark. ]
I don't think you ever told me that guys name. [ He's kinda curious. ] The kid'll probably turn out exactly like his father, or the exact opposite. That's how these things tend to go.
Homelander. That's all anyone calls him. Doubt he was born with it, but who gives a fuck? Guy's a monster.
I've already been plannin' to kill him for near a decade, and it's more urgent than ever now. [There's a quiet rage in his voice. Killing this man is the reason Billy took this kind of deal, and sometimes, it's his only reason for being.]
Ryan has nightmares about Homelander finding him. And I promised my wife I wouldn't let that happen.
Big heroes like that give up everything to be who they are. Only All Might's biggest fans know what his real name is either.
[ Homelander though...Shigaraki commits that to memory. ]
And that's why you're doin' all this, huh? You got the right idea to pour everything into it. The final boss won't go down without a buncha prep and maybe a cheat code or two.
Don't think that one had a soul to give up in the first place. That'd explain how he could do what he has.
But yeah. Whatever it takes. [He does quirk an eyebrow at him though.] You're always sayin' shite about cheat codes and bosses--that's video game speak, innit? Ain't the foggiest what most of it means.
[ He'll leave it at that for now, but it'll likely come up again shortly.
A grin at the question. ]
Sure is, I've been playin' games and killin' people for pretty much my whole life. What I meant was that to take down someone like that, you gotta be fully prepared, and willing to use whatever you can get your hands on. Even if it's outside the rules and even if its wrong or whatever. Heroes do the same thing as villains, they just dress it up in a nicer box.
[Billy gives a one-note laugh and a nod at that. He's been saying that all superheroes are the same for a while now.]
Take it you ain't just talkin' about Pac-Man. [That's a video game. He knows that one.] But that's the idea, yeah. What's legal ain't stoppin' me since the Supes get away with murder all the time anyway, and what's wrong and right can be awful subjective. Like you're sayin', a hero and villain can do the same thing and folks'll look at it differently depending on whose arse they're looking to kiss. It's all a load of shit, innit?
[ You are five years old, and you have one dream. You want to be a hero, one of the many caped crusaders who fight against evil and protect the weak. It's a fanciful dream but not a completely fantastical one—the world you live in is one where actual heroes exist, with superpowers known as quirks.
You want to be a hero, even if you don't have your quirk yet. You're too young to understand that by now, the chances of you having one are slim to none. You're young and you dare to dream, despite reality.
That is unforgivable.
Your father drags you by your collar, as your sobs echo down the hallway, your mother, your grandparents, and your sister looking on with anxious, worried expressions. There's one rule in this house, not to speak of heroes, and you keep breaking it. But like any child, you want to reach for the stars.
The next day, or maybe any other day, you tell your mother how much you want to be like the strongest hero there ever was: All Might. You tell her through the repeated motion of scratching your face, over and over again. You're itchy, but no one knows what you're allergic to. Despite how young you are, it's already started to leave marks on your skin, blemishes and wrinkles your short dark hair can't disguise.
You don't understand why your father hates you, though your mother tells you this isn't true. He loves you, he wants to protect you, because he knows how difficult being a hero could be. You nod, doing your best to accept her words, the words of an adult which are absolute. But you can't help but wonder why none of the other adults will help you. They tell you to bear it, that your father means well. That this is his way of showing his love. You don't understand it, though deep down you begin to feel like you're being rejected with kindness.
One day, your sister calls to you and shows you something hidden in your father's desk. It's a photograph of your dad when he was your age, with a strong looking woman, a hero, arms around him protectively. This was your grandmother, Hana tells you. Your grandmother was a hero! That means you can be a hero too. You're ecstatic, heart overflowing with joy. This'll be your little secret, between the two of you.
You're still walking on cloud nine as you play fetch with your dog, feeling like you could take on the world. You don't hear your fathers footsteps, even as thundering as they are. He's shouting, screaming, angrier than you've ever seen him. ]
"You saw, didn't you!?! That's not your grandmother, that's a savage who abandoned her own child!!!
Listen, in order to save strangers they don't even know, heroes will hurt their own families!!!"
[ The itching is getting worse, like a million ants biting at your skin, even as your father strikes you. You wonder, why no one is helping you. You wonder, why they're just standing there and watching.
You stay there, unmoving from where he dragged you, tears streaming down your face as the sun sets. You can't take it anymore, you're hurt, you're itchy, all over and you don't understand. Why won't anyone help you?!
You hate everything. Yes, you hate everything, you try to convince yourself as you clutch at the only one who hasn't abandoned you, your dog. Still crying, you're desperate for something, anything, anyone to hold onto. Suddenly, the fur beneath your hand slides from your grip.
You hear your sister's voice, wavering, hesitant, apologizing to you. You can't get any words out, and she steps closer asking what's wrong and then she sees. She screams. She screams, you grab onto her, and she cracks into more chunks that hit the ground with a sickening plop. You fall onto your hands and knees, emptying everything that's in your stomach.
You hear more voices, your mother, your grandmother, your grandfather. You know now, even if you don't understand. Why did they protect your father? Why did they tell you not to cry? This is your doing, it's your fault, but you can't take it anymore. Your hands make full contact with the ground, cracks spreading, crawling, reaching to your family. Your mother runs to you even as her legs slough off beneath her. Little by little, it built up. It was too much.
Your father is back and he's yelling again. He screams your name: Tenko, telling you to stop. He strikes you with garden shears, sending you flying. You want to kill him, you hate him, you know this clearly even in the chaos of everything.
You touch him with all five fingers on your right hand. The itching stops, and you feel a pleasure you've never felt before. You stand in the ruins of your family, of your house, and you think this must be what you wanted all along. ]
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Memshare!
He has to go into hiding with the CIA so his father doesn’t find him. He’s essentially going to be alone. So it doesn’t surprise you when Ryan tells you he’s scared.
You aren’t sure how to comfort him, but you have to try. Because you promised. So you take off a small chain necklace that you’ve been wearing for years now and show Ryan.]
This here belonged to your mum. It’s a Saint Christopher. She gave it to me a long time ago and told me it would keep me safe. And it has. …mostly.
[You put the necklace over Ryan’s head gently, letting it settle on his shoulders as he holds the charm on it.]
And now your mum is gonna help keep you safe.
[You hear the sound of the car pulling in and gently coax Ryan over. Grace Mallory, your former boss and trusted confidant, will look out for him. You trust her, and she has the experience of being a grandmother. It’d be a bit of a shame if she never got that again, you think in spite of yourself. Before Ryan gets in the car, you exchange a handshake and a few words.]
Remember what I told you.
Don’t be a cunt.
[You can’t help a little smile at him. As the car drives off, Mallory offers you her condolences. You’ve lost your wife all over again, after all. She says she’ll handle Vought and the fact that they’ll be wanting Ryan back in their custody, and asks you something.]
You think he’ll turn into his father?
Becca didn’t think so.
...I pray she’s right.
no subject
Fathers...do you know what he turned out to be yet? [ Even if the memory is relatively recent, a lot can happen even in the shortest gaps. ]
no subject
So far? He's a good lad--his mum taught him well.
...his father's the bastard I need to kill.
no subject
The chuckle he lets out is more familiar, heavy and dark. ]
I don't think you ever told me that guys name. [ He's kinda curious. ] The kid'll probably turn out exactly like his father, or the exact opposite. That's how these things tend to go.
no subject
I've already been plannin' to kill him for near a decade, and it's more urgent than ever now. [There's a quiet rage in his voice. Killing this man is the reason Billy took this kind of deal, and sometimes, it's his only reason for being.]
Ryan has nightmares about Homelander finding him. And I promised my wife I wouldn't let that happen.
no subject
[ Homelander though...Shigaraki commits that to memory. ]
And that's why you're doin' all this, huh? You got the right idea to pour everything into it. The final boss won't go down without a buncha prep and maybe a cheat code or two.
no subject
But yeah. Whatever it takes. [He does quirk an eyebrow at him though.] You're always sayin' shite about cheat codes and bosses--that's video game speak, innit? Ain't the foggiest what most of it means.
no subject
[ He'll leave it at that for now, but it'll likely come up again shortly.
A grin at the question. ]
Sure is, I've been playin' games and killin' people for pretty much my whole life. What I meant was that to take down someone like that, you gotta be fully prepared, and willing to use whatever you can get your hands on. Even if it's outside the rules and even if its wrong or whatever. Heroes do the same thing as villains, they just dress it up in a nicer box.
no subject
Take it you ain't just talkin' about Pac-Man. [That's a video game. He knows that one.] But that's the idea, yeah. What's legal ain't stoppin' me since the Supes get away with murder all the time anyway, and what's wrong and right can be awful subjective. Like you're sayin', a hero and villain can do the same thing and folks'll look at it differently depending on whose arse they're looking to kiss. It's all a load of shit, innit?
1/2
cw; child abuse, gore, mention of pet death
You want to be a hero, even if you don't have your quirk yet. You're too young to understand that by now, the chances of you having one are slim to none. You're young and you dare to dream, despite reality.
That is unforgivable.
Your father drags you by your collar, as your sobs echo down the hallway, your mother, your grandparents, and your sister looking on with anxious, worried expressions. There's one rule in this house, not to speak of heroes, and you keep breaking it. But like any child, you want to reach for the stars.
The next day, or maybe any other day, you tell your mother how much you want to be like the strongest hero there ever was: All Might. You tell her through the repeated motion of scratching your face, over and over again. You're itchy, but no one knows what you're allergic to. Despite how young you are, it's already started to leave marks on your skin, blemishes and wrinkles your short dark hair can't disguise.
You don't understand why your father hates you, though your mother tells you this isn't true. He loves you, he wants to protect you, because he knows how difficult being a hero could be. You nod, doing your best to accept her words, the words of an adult which are absolute. But you can't help but wonder why none of the other adults will help you. They tell you to bear it, that your father means well. That this is his way of showing his love. You don't understand it, though deep down you begin to feel like you're being rejected with kindness.
One day, your sister calls to you and shows you something hidden in your father's desk. It's a photograph of your dad when he was your age, with a strong looking woman, a hero, arms around him protectively. This was your grandmother, Hana tells you. Your grandmother was a hero! That means you can be a hero too. You're ecstatic, heart overflowing with joy. This'll be your little secret, between the two of you.
You're still walking on cloud nine as you play fetch with your dog, feeling like you could take on the world. You don't hear your fathers footsteps, even as thundering as they are. He's shouting, screaming, angrier than you've ever seen him. ]
"You saw, didn't you!?! That's not your grandmother, that's a savage who abandoned her own child!!!
Listen, in order to save strangers they don't even know, heroes will hurt their own families!!!"
[ The itching is getting worse, like a million ants biting at your skin, even as your father strikes you. You wonder, why no one is helping you. You wonder, why they're just standing there and watching.
You stay there, unmoving from where he dragged you, tears streaming down your face as the sun sets. You can't take it anymore, you're hurt, you're itchy, all over and you don't understand. Why won't anyone help you?!
You hate everything. Yes, you hate everything, you try to convince yourself as you clutch at the only one who hasn't abandoned you, your dog. Still crying, you're desperate for something, anything, anyone to hold onto. Suddenly, the fur beneath your hand slides from your grip.
You hear your sister's voice, wavering, hesitant, apologizing to you. You can't get any words out, and she steps closer asking what's wrong and then she sees. She screams. She screams, you grab onto her, and she cracks into more chunks that hit the ground with a sickening plop. You fall onto your hands and knees, emptying everything that's in your stomach.
You hear more voices, your mother, your grandmother, your grandfather. You know now, even if you don't understand. Why did they protect your father? Why did they tell you not to cry? This is your doing, it's your fault, but you can't take it anymore. Your hands make full contact with the ground, cracks spreading, crawling, reaching to your family. Your mother runs to you even as her legs slough off beneath her. Little by little, it built up. It was too much.
Your father is back and he's yelling again. He screams your name: Tenko, telling you to stop. He strikes you with garden shears, sending you flying. You want to kill him, you hate him, you know this clearly even in the chaos of everything.
You touch him with all five fingers on your right hand. The itching stops, and you feel a pleasure you've never felt before. You stand in the ruins of your family, of your house, and you think this must be what you wanted all along. ]