[ And all those previous thoughts were without this entire game in focus. With that in mind, everything becomes even more complicated to piece together, like the result of a sledgehammer to a pebble.
Her life hangs in a precarious balance. It's not like she's unaware she's courting death every week. Even more so after the night she killed Skywarp at the very waterfall they're standing around. That sealed her fate as a hidden public enemy, and yet she still feels no real urge to care. What's so different about the group as a whole and Theta scorning her for her choices? Not much really. Same old, same old, just in a different packaging.
Maybe she could've made things easier on her by avoiding all of that, but she wouldn't be herself then. She acts on her whims, and on that night, she was only particularly concerned with helping Shigaraki with his game and keeping the rest of the Toucans out of target range. And one of those reasons was a far bigger motivator, no offense intended to the other side, lovely as they are.
Ah, yes, the crux of all this: Shigaraki. Even with how removed she is in terms of typical relationships, she recognizes that there's something off-kilter in the way they made it to this point. But without that deviation, none of this would have happened in the first place. Their talks wouldn't have let her come to the realization of what she really wanted from herself and the world. That answer was something she was desperate to hear for as long as she could remember, to the detriment of everyone she knows back home. She couldn't have come up with it alone, her longing heart and unrealized sentimentality keeping her from pulling the trigger.
But now? Now she can pull that trigger, watch Theta and the other colonies crumble and fall. She doesn't need those what-ifs any longer, to wonder what could've come from Yuuki's idealism. The answer was always there all along: the destruction of the society that caused so much pain and suffering. With that comes the end of the superheroes upholding a blighted status quo, the freedom of Vectors to live as they please, the start of something truly new. She simply needed to embrace the urge to destroy as truly part of her.
Funny how all those realizations came about while talking with someone who, even now, could easily end her life.
Logically, she should worry more about someone as whimsical with the ability to kill her. But her logic's always been rather skewed, tempered irregularly by her upbringing and how early the researchers severed her from any sense of normalcy. In a way, him being open about violence from the start made him more comfortable to be around. She didn't need to wonder about his intentions, sure that her death was always in the cards. And that's particularly refreshing after dealing with all the masks everyone wears day in and out, apart and as a group.
Still, she never expected their conversations to become something she looks forward to, even to the point of sleep crimes. Nor did she guess that she would feel the urge to reach out to him, to lend him a hand. If anyone told her weeks ago that they'd end up playing video games with each other, holding hands, laughing together? She'd think they were delusional. And yet, here they are. The dice just rolled like that, somehow. And yet if she got the chance, she wouldn't change it for anything. How could she when, despite their differences, they can understand each other in a way she never thought she would for anyone else?
She wouldn't be the her standing here right now if she denies that she cares about him, knowing this could and would lead her to ruin. Messed up? Probably, but something tells her she doesn't need to understand why. The feeling is there, and that's what matters in the end, right?
And yet that melancholy still exists inside. But she steps forward despite the discordant beat. ]
If that's the case, I'd say that I'd join you on those walks no matter what the waterfall looks like. Or even if there isn't a waterfall, because I could've wrecked it as well.
no subject
Her life hangs in a precarious balance. It's not like she's unaware she's courting death every week. Even more so after the night she killed Skywarp at the very waterfall they're standing around. That sealed her fate as a hidden public enemy, and yet she still feels no real urge to care. What's so different about the group as a whole and Theta scorning her for her choices? Not much really. Same old, same old, just in a different packaging.
Maybe she could've made things easier on her by avoiding all of that, but she wouldn't be herself then. She acts on her whims, and on that night, she was only particularly concerned with helping Shigaraki with his game and keeping the rest of the Toucans out of target range. And one of those reasons was a far bigger motivator, no offense intended to the other side, lovely as they are.
Ah, yes, the crux of all this: Shigaraki. Even with how removed she is in terms of typical relationships, she recognizes that there's something off-kilter in the way they made it to this point. But without that deviation, none of this would have happened in the first place. Their talks wouldn't have let her come to the realization of what she really wanted from herself and the world. That answer was something she was desperate to hear for as long as she could remember, to the detriment of everyone she knows back home. She couldn't have come up with it alone, her longing heart and unrealized sentimentality keeping her from pulling the trigger.
But now? Now she can pull that trigger, watch Theta and the other colonies crumble and fall. She doesn't need those what-ifs any longer, to wonder what could've come from Yuuki's idealism. The answer was always there all along: the destruction of the society that caused so much pain and suffering. With that comes the end of the superheroes upholding a blighted status quo, the freedom of Vectors to live as they please, the start of something truly new. She simply needed to embrace the urge to destroy as truly part of her.
Funny how all those realizations came about while talking with someone who, even now, could easily end her life.
Logically, she should worry more about someone as whimsical with the ability to kill her. But her logic's always been rather skewed, tempered irregularly by her upbringing and how early the researchers severed her from any sense of normalcy. In a way, him being open about violence from the start made him more comfortable to be around. She didn't need to wonder about his intentions, sure that her death was always in the cards. And that's particularly refreshing after dealing with all the masks everyone wears day in and out, apart and as a group.
Still, she never expected their conversations to become something she looks forward to, even to the point of sleep crimes. Nor did she guess that she would feel the urge to reach out to him, to lend him a hand. If anyone told her weeks ago that they'd end up playing video games with each other, holding hands, laughing together? She'd think they were delusional. And yet, here they are. The dice just rolled like that, somehow. And yet if she got the chance, she wouldn't change it for anything. How could she when, despite their differences, they can understand each other in a way she never thought she would for anyone else?
She wouldn't be the her standing here right now if she denies that she cares about him, knowing this could and would lead her to ruin. Messed up? Probably, but something tells her she doesn't need to understand why. The feeling is there, and that's what matters in the end, right?
And yet that melancholy still exists inside. But she steps forward despite the discordant beat. ]
If that's the case, I'd say that I'd join you on those walks no matter what the waterfall looks like. Or even if there isn't a waterfall, because I could've wrecked it as well.