So right from the beginning Merlin thought that Zelkov would be a fun target for pranks, but also dragging places. He never had any chances of evading parties as long as he was around, because immediately the vibes he got from him was, 'this is a guy who needs to have more fun in his life, look at his adorably dour face!' Which makes me so amused when you asked to have him nudged to the party...because Merlin really is an expert into annoying someone into saying yes. Or wanting to hit him in the face (and then agreeing later)
Anyway! There were bountiful amounts of surface-level curiosity to deep-seated ones because you know the saying 'eyes are the windows to the soul'? He thought he could see there was more to him just from that, and his explanation of his username. So it was like 'hmmmm how do I figure this guy out? can I get him to open up? Kissu times? [insert escalation here as well because it's Merlin and he does have a Type]'
But initially nothing too serious! However, the thing about Merlin is that he does have an interesting relationship with emotions (no pun intended) in that he can derive a certain amount of them when engaged in certain acts with people. Initially I assumed, based upon his previous murdergame experience, that it would not really come into play, but boy was I wrong. Because right from the start, it did with Zelkov foremost of all people, actually!
In the lore, when handing him a gift, or when he consumes something given to him, the first thing he can tell right away are some or all of the emotions put into it. When Zelkov just told him he could have one of the paper flowers he made, he was actually a little happy even if it were a simple thing. As a result, from that point he was thinking for awhile to give something back to him in return because that's what he does in the game! That's the sort of thing people usually do, right? Is his justification. Not that he didn't get a chance to, but it was on his mind (and I was going to like, justify it as a reason to poke you for another PC but I just died, not Merlin just yet. But me LMAO)
That aside! The surface-level curiosity only increased when he was like GATHERINGS ARE GREAT and Zelkov was like, Actually, wherein he could have just discarded his opinion because Merlin can be...that Kind of Way. But his empathy levels were actually a bit higher which allowed him to listen and genuinely want to get to know him better. What made him tick? Back to the, what's this guy's deal? Also, wouldn't it be fun to get him to learn other things? Potentially teaching him how to perform some pranks were on the list (once again another part of the PC I wanted to plan but see above), and so presumably they parted ways and you know they died
He didn't think too much of it, but as you know, right from the start...he saw that Zelkov was not only helping to take care of Fou, yet he also helped set up a little memorial with Lacus for him in the very beginning? Tbf I almost missed it because I'm not submissions location mod but I happened to be checking poll submissions for shits and giggles seeing that...anyways that was one of the little things that made him go like, 'ah? what????'
The thing about Merlin is that he is a very dishonest person, not only just to people, but to himself. Misdirection, omission, lying, delusions, the works. But part of that made him actually built upon his initial impression of the other man, even though they weren't particularly close. I'd like to say this was somewhat rather superficial, but he was one of the few people he technically had one of the most conversations with in the beginning (besides WWX), so his interest was genuine. And he can actually get attached rather quick.
Glances at how fast in the novel he decided 'oh actually i'm worried about this young girl i never met so contrary to my agenda i will warn her away from the thing' which doesn't make logical sense, which he even QUESTIONS himself about being so confused and never like. figures it out because he's emotionally dumb...but it's definitely the fact he can care real fast/get attached quick, yeah, closes eyes. It's just acknowledging it properly that's the crux of the matter, which he usually fails miserably about given his own schtick of HAHA I DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS but you see him literally freak out in Babylonia over Gilgamesh's 'death' and then he is so surprised he's like...'oh, I. don't understand what happened/what came over me! Weird!'
Smh
Anyways, Zelkov in his own way managed to become one of those he cared about, though on a more low-key level! Thought he was cute, wanted to know him, thought he deserved kisses! You know, things that seemed typical Merlin, but were already starting to get a step deeper than that. He also got to watch him be himself on the other side, charmed by his kindness, by his capable self, he didn't necessarily ever really put him on a pedestal of any sort. Just was interested in him being Him.
...part of the reason why he sent the stupid booty call message was like, 'Wouldn't it be funny if he got nonsensical message after all that drama? It'd take the tension out of the entire day! Hey maybe he'd laugh it over after it was all said and done!'
Not realizing he probably stressed him out lmao hence his sheepish reaction later on kind of like, oh maybe he'll forgive me? In another thread on the network closes eyes...
Him communicating he was actually touched by the memorial though! Actually some progress without him being arrogant about it. Also low-key still feeling shaken by the entire, 'people cared enough to leave that?' as a certain character has said, 'big gestures don't necessarily need to be a thing to leave impact'. Though arguably memorials are big gestures
Following that, next we got, of course, to the dream private conversation! Which was exciting because I could utilize Merlin's canon dream-related abilities to make happen for his single PC. Him visiting was essentially honestly a personally indulgent thing, though a small bit was like, 'well I should maybe sort of make up for bothering him and talk to him properly?' also still wanting to make good on his word from earlier to teach him a thing...there was a desire to pass on pertinent information about the administrators but that was not a foremost thought.
By that point, his desire to hang out with him were rooted in these previous things, and that is also how he felt he could trust him. His reactions, his previous actions, his personality had shown that even if he told him something important he would not spit anything out carelessly. Unlike some people might! But, anyway, generally this was playing around time but he wanted to offer Zelkov something substantial as well, and in the midst of all that...
Was the fact that he had begun to wonder, with everything he had seen, was he as inhuman as he thought he was? To give such deep consideration, about others, not just Zelkov. What could that mean? If he was so fond, was it just as his distant penchant of championing humans? Honestly, he didn't think he'd think far too much into it. Just to see how close he could get, based upon just the base desire to do so.
Then, well, when he realized he should reveal his intentions, he made another realization:
That he had regrets he hadn't been able to connect with the people he left behind, and didn't want to make the same mistake in not making things clear. Funnily enough, what helped this along further is Zelkov being like, 'I am not a good person', because that resonated with him, I wouldn't say for the best of reasons, but to someone who doesn't connect closely with people and hasn't for thousands of years, this was pretty huge.
...Though, it bears mentioning that despite this, when Zelkov asked Merlin if he felt the same, if he felt bad? I actually had to roll because if he got high enough he would have just been like 'yeah, actually, not really!' and probably ruined the entire thing closes eyes so it was entirely fate it worked out. Since he was still on the fence? About being honest and vulnerable? He was still taking a big step and Merlin is the type of person to potentially run away from commitment/the idea of being honest/being emotionally hurt or vulnerable.
But once he made that hurdle, that opened the gates for like...actual possible real character development to get to start rolling. Then, hearing Zelkov's response to all of that, that he understood, that was all he needed to hear. It instilled feelings within him that, given the type of person, and the fact that nothing was certain (even his condition after casting revival spell, due to certain reasons because fgo does deal with revival spells but one of the instances he knows of, a certain someone sacrifices a lot of their entire being as a sacrifice), there was no point to mull on things. He just went for it, even if he didn't know the validity of his own feelings, if it was just in the heat of the moment. And, there was a real desire to want to support Zelkov personally in his own way, even if he had no idea how to do that properly.
But in reality, that is really when he fell for him, and for the rest in that thread I can say with confidence 'what you see is what you get'. Including him being very giddy over the flower crown even if it was dream only...closes eyes, he's ridiculous.
The funniest thing is that regardless of whether or not things panned out my next plan of action was to like, have him reappear in another dream for the next 'private conversation' for the aftermath of the next week, but then uhhh cases happened so I was like: 🧍♂️
What is going to happen now...
But! The bonus is that he got to learn more about Zelkov due to the memshare (Yunaka's like we agreed upon), and then Zelkov got to see I think arguably like one of Merlin's important memories. Which, at the time, I remembered 'I'm awful' comment but forgot he explained that he doesn't have emotions and everything in there so it was extremely hilarious. The fact he even mentioned it in the dream conversation was probably a godsend, because I forgot he mentioned it before the memory (I'm good at this), but hey it ended up being a good thing because it helped...facilitate development towards him being honest towards the people he cares about.
So! Zelkov dies, Merlin watches the trial, feeling kind of conflicted. Obvious reasons are that yay he gets to see someone he cares deeply about, but he died a brutal death, no way getting around that. Plus he still wasn't sure if he could pull off revival...despite him sounding very confident before. So now there was some more pressure, laughs, and also wondering how Zelkov would feel being stuck without being there physically to help, which also facilitated him telling what happened with Lacus. So, y'know.
Then, Zelkov arrives! He knows he has bad news, but despite the fact he could lie he chooses to be honest (look this is a big thing for him) and not make light of what happened so the gravitas of the situation is conveyed. But, he also wanted to finally do something indulgent like give him the scarf, which he made with his own hands...can't tell you how happy he was when Zelkov liked it, lmfao
Which is also why he got so goofy about it, and (it was intentional) repeated HEY DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ON YOU closes eyes which I'm SO glad he took notice. Anyway, the conversation they had here was also a pivotal turning point because uh...
Zelkov brought up the memory he saw of Merlin's everything and that is when things could have gone extremely bad, except! For the important fact that he never once showed any disdain towards him despite asking, so no rolling was necessary, because he could tell the other was listening, even if he was legit panicking that he wouldn't believe what he had to say about that. That he changed, that he could feel emotions, which he had been denying before.
Then, the fact the other told him what he did, and just asked him not to fake anything for him re: feelings essentially was what made him throw away any lingering reservations. And arguably just strengthen his own feelings and uh...made him sure he wanted to cast his lot with him despite even the longevity difference (though i'm squinting at any further consequences i was thinking of successful mass revival still but shrugs hands away) and ensured that he wouldn't so much as want to pull away. And you know, that Zelkov would be his One
ANYWAY THAT'S ABOUT IT because I went on too long now, Merlin is assuming Zelkov will let him go with him to his world, then they get rings and whatever happens next \o/
i'm sorry this is literally....tl;dr..............contains fgo spoilers, and cw: merlin
So right from the beginning Merlin thought that Zelkov would be a fun target for pranks, but also dragging places. He never had any chances of evading parties as long as he was around, because immediately the vibes he got from him was, 'this is a guy who needs to have more fun in his life, look at his adorably dour face!' Which makes me so amused when you asked to have him nudged to the party...because Merlin really is an expert into annoying someone into saying yes. Or wanting to hit him in the face (and then agreeing later)
Anyway! There were bountiful amounts of surface-level curiosity to deep-seated ones because you know the saying 'eyes are the windows to the soul'? He thought he could see there was more to him just from that, and his explanation of his username. So it was like 'hmmmm how do I figure this guy out? can I get him to open up? Kissu times? [insert escalation here as well because it's Merlin and he does have a Type]'
But initially nothing too serious! However, the thing about Merlin is that he does have an interesting relationship with emotions (no pun intended) in that he can derive a certain amount of them when engaged in certain acts with people. Initially I assumed, based upon his previous murdergame experience, that it would not really come into play, but boy was I wrong. Because right from the start, it did with Zelkov foremost of all people, actually!
In the lore, when handing him a gift, or when he consumes something given to him, the first thing he can tell right away are some or all of the emotions put into it. When Zelkov just told him he could have one of the paper flowers he made, he was actually a little happy even if it were a simple thing. As a result, from that point he was thinking for awhile to give something back to him in return because that's what he does in the game! That's the sort of thing people usually do, right? Is his justification. Not that he didn't get a chance to, but it was on his mind (and I was going to like, justify it as a reason to poke you for another PC but I just died, not Merlin just yet. But me LMAO)
That aside! The surface-level curiosity only increased when he was like GATHERINGS ARE GREAT and Zelkov was like, Actually, wherein he could have just discarded his opinion because Merlin can be...that Kind of Way. But his empathy levels were actually a bit higher which allowed him to listen and genuinely want to get to know him better. What made him tick? Back to the, what's this guy's deal? Also, wouldn't it be fun to get him to learn other things? Potentially teaching him how to perform some pranks were on the list (once again another part of the PC I wanted to plan but see above), and so presumably they parted ways and you know they died
He didn't think too much of it, but as you know, right from the start...he saw that Zelkov was not only helping to take care of Fou, yet he also helped set up a little memorial with Lacus for him in the very beginning? Tbf I almost missed it because I'm not submissions location mod but I happened to be checking poll submissions for shits and giggles seeing that...anyways that was one of the little things that made him go like, 'ah? what????'
The thing about Merlin is that he is a very dishonest person, not only just to people, but to himself. Misdirection, omission, lying, delusions, the works. But part of that made him actually built upon his initial impression of the other man, even though they weren't particularly close. I'd like to say this was somewhat rather superficial, but he was one of the few people he technically had one of the most conversations with in the beginning (besides WWX), so his interest was genuine. And he can actually get attached rather quick.
Glances at how fast in the novel he decided 'oh actually i'm worried about this young girl i never met so contrary to my agenda i will warn her away from the thing' which doesn't make logical sense, which he even QUESTIONS himself about being so confused and never like. figures it out because he's emotionally dumb...but it's definitely the fact he can care real fast/get attached quick, yeah, closes eyes. It's just acknowledging it properly that's the crux of the matter, which he usually fails miserably about given his own schtick of HAHA I DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS but you see him literally freak out in Babylonia over Gilgamesh's 'death' and then he is so surprised he's like...'oh, I. don't understand what happened/what came over me! Weird!'
Smh
Anyways, Zelkov in his own way managed to become one of those he cared about, though on a more low-key level! Thought he was cute, wanted to know him, thought he deserved kisses! You know, things that seemed typical Merlin, but were already starting to get a step deeper than that. He also got to watch him be himself on the other side, charmed by his kindness, by his capable self, he didn't necessarily ever really put him on a pedestal of any sort. Just was interested in him being Him.
...part of the reason why he sent the stupid booty call message was like, 'Wouldn't it be funny if he got nonsensical message after all that drama? It'd take the tension out of the entire day! Hey maybe he'd laugh it over after it was all said and done!'
Not realizing he probably stressed him out lmao hence his sheepish reaction later on kind of like, oh maybe he'll forgive me? In another thread on the network closes eyes...
Him communicating he was actually touched by the memorial though! Actually some progress without him being arrogant about it. Also low-key still feeling shaken by the entire, 'people cared enough to leave that?' as a certain character has said, 'big gestures don't necessarily need to be a thing to leave impact'. Though arguably memorials are big gestures
Following that, next we got, of course, to the dream private conversation! Which was exciting because I could utilize Merlin's canon dream-related abilities to make happen for his single PC. Him visiting was essentially honestly a personally indulgent thing, though a small bit was like, 'well I should maybe sort of make up for bothering him and talk to him properly?' also still wanting to make good on his word from earlier to teach him a thing...there was a desire to pass on pertinent information about the administrators but that was not a foremost thought.
By that point, his desire to hang out with him were rooted in these previous things, and that is also how he felt he could trust him. His reactions, his previous actions, his personality had shown that even if he told him something important he would not spit anything out carelessly. Unlike some people might! But, anyway, generally this was playing around time but he wanted to offer Zelkov something substantial as well, and in the midst of all that...
Was the fact that he had begun to wonder, with everything he had seen, was he as inhuman as he thought he was? To give such deep consideration, about others, not just Zelkov. What could that mean? If he was so fond, was it just as his distant penchant of championing humans? Honestly, he didn't think he'd think far too much into it. Just to see how close he could get, based upon just the base desire to do so.
Then, well, when he realized he should reveal his intentions, he made another realization:
That he had regrets he hadn't been able to connect with the people he left behind, and didn't want to make the same mistake in not making things clear. Funnily enough, what helped this along further is Zelkov being like, 'I am not a good person', because that resonated with him, I wouldn't say for the best of reasons, but to someone who doesn't connect closely with people and hasn't for thousands of years, this was pretty huge.
...Though, it bears mentioning that despite this, when Zelkov asked Merlin if he felt the same, if he felt bad? I actually had to roll because if he got high enough he would have just been like 'yeah, actually, not really!' and probably ruined the entire thing closes eyes so it was entirely fate it worked out. Since he was still on the fence? About being honest and vulnerable? He was still taking a big step and Merlin is the type of person to potentially run away from commitment/the idea of being honest/being emotionally hurt or vulnerable.
But once he made that hurdle, that opened the gates for like...actual possible real character development to get to start rolling. Then, hearing Zelkov's response to all of that, that he understood, that was all he needed to hear. It instilled feelings within him that, given the type of person, and the fact that nothing was certain (even his condition after casting revival spell, due to certain reasons because fgo does deal with revival spells but one of the instances he knows of, a certain someone sacrifices a lot of their entire being as a sacrifice), there was no point to mull on things. He just went for it, even if he didn't know the validity of his own feelings, if it was just in the heat of the moment. And, there was a real desire to want to support Zelkov personally in his own way, even if he had no idea how to do that properly.
But in reality, that is really when he fell for him, and for the rest in that thread I can say with confidence 'what you see is what you get'. Including him being very giddy over the flower crown even if it was dream only...closes eyes, he's ridiculous.
The funniest thing is that regardless of whether or not things panned out my next plan of action was to like, have him reappear in another dream for the next 'private conversation' for the aftermath of the next week, but then uhhh cases happened so I was like: 🧍♂️
What is going to happen now...
But! The bonus is that he got to learn more about Zelkov due to the memshare (Yunaka's like we agreed upon), and then Zelkov got to see I think arguably like one of Merlin's important memories. Which, at the time, I remembered 'I'm awful' comment but forgot he explained that he doesn't have emotions and everything in there so it was extremely hilarious. The fact he even mentioned it in the dream conversation was probably a godsend, because I forgot he mentioned it before the memory (I'm good at this), but hey it ended up being a good thing because it helped...facilitate development towards him being honest towards the people he cares about.
So! Zelkov dies, Merlin watches the trial, feeling kind of conflicted. Obvious reasons are that yay he gets to see someone he cares deeply about, but he died a brutal death, no way getting around that. Plus he still wasn't sure if he could pull off revival...despite him sounding very confident before. So now there was some more pressure, laughs, and also wondering how Zelkov would feel being stuck without being there physically to help, which also facilitated him telling what happened with Lacus. So, y'know.
Then, Zelkov arrives! He knows he has bad news, but despite the fact he could lie he chooses to be honest (look this is a big thing for him) and not make light of what happened so the gravitas of the situation is conveyed. But, he also wanted to finally do something indulgent like give him the scarf, which he made with his own hands...can't tell you how happy he was when Zelkov liked it, lmfao
Which is also why he got so goofy about it, and (it was intentional) repeated HEY DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ON YOU closes eyes which I'm SO glad he took notice. Anyway, the conversation they had here was also a pivotal turning point because uh...
Zelkov brought up the memory he saw of Merlin's everything and that is when things could have gone extremely bad, except! For the important fact that he never once showed any disdain towards him despite asking, so no rolling was necessary, because he could tell the other was listening, even if he was legit panicking that he wouldn't believe what he had to say about that. That he changed, that he could feel emotions, which he had been denying before.
Then, the fact the other told him what he did, and just asked him not to fake anything for him re: feelings essentially was what made him throw away any lingering reservations. And arguably just strengthen his own feelings and uh...made him sure he wanted to cast his lot with him despite even the longevity difference (though i'm squinting at any further consequences i was thinking of successful mass revival still but shrugs hands away) and ensured that he wouldn't so much as want to pull away. And you know, that Zelkov would be his One
ANYWAY THAT'S ABOUT IT because I went on too long now, Merlin is assuming Zelkov will let him go with him to his world, then they get rings and whatever happens next \o/
so here's some extras:
obligatory link to ship song and, well. lyrics, if you're curious.
Also, before I chicken out, this was Merlin's maid outfit in the GY fingerguns.
THANKS FOR SHIPPING WITH ME ERIC, IT WAS A BLAST...