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killerwaves) wrote2023-06-25 01:18 am
killerwaves) wrote2023-06-25 01:18 am
TLCR
2. Comment to others
3. get your cr deets!!!
2. Comment to others
3. get your cr deets!!!
GRASPS A HOLD OF THOSE PAWS TIGHTLY
Okay Yew I wanna start off by saying that I wasn't entirely sure if the CR between them would be superficial because Merlin's stance of 'all women are pretty', though I wanted to say that if Psyche ever posted to the hot or not he put up she'd be a 9/10 or higher.
I WAS WORRIED HE'D JUST BE LIKE TEEHEE JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE TO KISSU or something but no they actually talked about stuff esp earlier on. He even was like are you sure you should think highly of me earlier on and that probably had to do with the fact Merlin cottoned onto the fact that she was such a genuinely nice person?? Even after he texted her at like 2-3am about scorpions and mermaids because he's a stupid shitposty dick wizard
Anyway, suffice to say it was extraordinarily easy for him to care about her even with him not...acknowledging that he actually did (he's a mess, why is he like this)
Because of how subtle it was, he didn't notice her crying (but i did notice the red eyes in a thread and went DAMNN SHE CRIED OVER HIM AAAA) ... suffice to say, them being able to talk a little and her being like I MISSED YOU made him :crymeow:
I'm sorry this sounds very shitposty but ilu and this is all very serious, I swear. Anyway, after he kept telling her to be safe, he definitely made an increased effort to keep close eye on her, among a few others even if he wouldn't be able to like...protect her, from anything, lmao
Not that he didn't believe she couldn't handle herself, but the people he cares decently about are far and few in between
The realization that he cared deeply rolled along in about...week 5? Memshare time, when he saw her ex-fiancƩ (fiancƩ?) treat her like shit. That's when he discovered he could actually hate someone and partially was like part of the whole 'oh so maybe i might have emotions after all' journey because boy. He was incensed. To the point it was also like, 'wow I can feel like this? not great' but anyway he thinks she deserves happiness and joy...
Then. There was the Billy thing WHOO BOY do I even need to go into that? Don't think so!
The climax to all of this was probably him reaching out after that so there wasn't another Xiao or something, lmfao and then having what I think was an incredibly amazing emotional talk that Merlin didn't discard or push to the side. Partly because of his own personal development by then! But also because he had so much trust in her...
ANYWAY she's a good important friend to him. Anyone who looks at her wrong might get trapped in a nightmare forever, teehee
Just kidding! Or am I :3c
Okay Yew I wanna start off by saying that I wasn't entirely sure if the CR between them would be superficial because Merlin's stance of 'all women are pretty', though I wanted to say that if Psyche ever posted to the hot or not he put up she'd be a 9/10 or higher.
I WAS WORRIED HE'D JUST BE LIKE TEEHEE JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE TO KISSU or something but no they actually talked about stuff esp earlier on. He even was like are you sure you should think highly of me earlier on and that probably had to do with the fact Merlin cottoned onto the fact that she was such a genuinely nice person?? Even after he texted her at like 2-3am about scorpions and mermaids because he's a stupid shitposty dick wizard
Anyway, suffice to say it was extraordinarily easy for him to care about her even with him not...acknowledging that he actually did (he's a mess, why is he like this)
Because of how subtle it was, he didn't notice her crying (but i did notice the red eyes in a thread and went DAMNN SHE CRIED OVER HIM AAAA) ... suffice to say, them being able to talk a little and her being like I MISSED YOU made him :crymeow:
I'm sorry this sounds very shitposty but ilu and this is all very serious, I swear. Anyway, after he kept telling her to be safe, he definitely made an increased effort to keep close eye on her, among a few others even if he wouldn't be able to like...protect her, from anything, lmao
Not that he didn't believe she couldn't handle herself, but the people he cares decently about are far and few in between
The realization that he cared deeply rolled along in about...week 5? Memshare time, when he saw her ex-fiancƩ (fiancƩ?) treat her like shit. That's when he discovered he could actually hate someone and partially was like part of the whole 'oh so maybe i might have emotions after all' journey because boy. He was incensed. To the point it was also like, 'wow I can feel like this? not great' but anyway he thinks she deserves happiness and joy...
Then. There was the Billy thing WHOO BOY do I even need to go into that? Don't think so!
The climax to all of this was probably him reaching out after that so there wasn't another Xiao or something, lmfao and then having what I think was an incredibly amazing emotional talk that Merlin didn't discard or push to the side. Partly because of his own personal development by then! But also because he had so much trust in her...
ANYWAY she's a good important friend to him. Anyone who looks at her wrong might get trapped in a nightmare forever, teehee
Just kidding! Or am I :3c
i'm sorry this is literally....tl;dr..............contains fgo spoilers, and cw: merlin
mysticpowerbroker
2023-06-26 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
Slides into here
So right from the beginning Merlin thought that Zelkov would be a fun target for pranks, but also dragging places. He never had any chances of evading parties as long as he was around, because immediately the vibes he got from him was, 'this is a guy who needs to have more fun in his life, look at his adorably dour face!' Which makes me so amused when you asked to have him nudged to the party...because Merlin really is an expert into annoying someone into saying yes. Or wanting to hit him in the face (and then agreeing later)
Anyway! There were bountiful amounts of surface-level curiosity to deep-seated ones because you know the saying 'eyes are the windows to the soul'? He thought he could see there was more to him just from that, and his explanation of his username. So it was like 'hmmmm how do I figure this guy out? can I get him to open up? Kissu times? [insert escalation here as well because it's Merlin and he does have a Type]'
But initially nothing too serious! However, the thing about Merlin is that he does have an interesting relationship with emotions (no pun intended) in that he can derive a certain amount of them when engaged in certain acts with people. Initially I assumed, based upon his previous murdergame experience, that it would not really come into play, but boy was I wrong. Because right from the start, it did with Zelkov foremost of all people, actually!
In the lore, when handing him a gift, or when he consumes something given to him, the first thing he can tell right away are some or all of the emotions put into it. When Zelkov just told him he could have one of the paper flowers he made, he was actually a little happy even if it were a simple thing. As a result, from that point he was thinking for awhile to give something back to him in return because that's what he does in the game! That's the sort of thing people usually do, right? Is his justification. Not that he didn't get a chance to, but it was on his mind (and I was going to like, justify it as a reason to poke you for another PC but I just died, not Merlin just yet. But me LMAO)
That aside! The surface-level curiosity only increased when he was like GATHERINGS ARE GREAT and Zelkov was like, Actually, wherein he could have just discarded his opinion because Merlin can be...that Kind of Way. But his empathy levels were actually a bit higher which allowed him to listen and genuinely want to get to know him better. What made him tick? Back to the, what's this guy's deal? Also, wouldn't it be fun to get him to learn other things? Potentially teaching him how to perform some pranks were on the list (once again another part of the PC I wanted to plan but see above), and so presumably they parted ways and you know they died
He didn't think too much of it, but as you know, right from the start...he saw that Zelkov was not only helping to take care of Fou, yet he also helped set up a little memorial with Lacus for him in the very beginning? Tbf I almost missed it because I'm not submissions location mod but I happened to be checking poll submissions for shits and giggles seeing that...anyways that was one of the little things that made him go like, 'ah? what????'
The thing about Merlin is that he is a very dishonest person, not only just to people, but to himself. Misdirection, omission, lying, delusions, the works. But part of that made him actually built upon his initial impression of the other man, even though they weren't particularly close. I'd like to say this was somewhat rather superficial, but he was one of the few people he technically had one of the most conversations with in the beginning (besides WWX), so his interest was genuine. And he can actually get attached rather quick.
Glances at how fast in the novel he decided 'oh actually i'm worried about this young girl i never met so contrary to my agenda i will warn her away from the thing' which doesn't make logical sense, which he even QUESTIONS himself about being so confused and never like. figures it out because he's emotionally dumb...but it's definitely the fact he can care real fast/get attached quick, yeah, closes eyes. It's just acknowledging it properly that's the crux of the matter, which he usually fails miserably about given his own schtick of HAHA I DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS but you see him literally freak out in Babylonia over Gilgamesh's 'death' and then he is so surprised he's like...'oh, I. don't understand what happened/what came over me! Weird!'
Smh
Anyways, Zelkov in his own way managed to become one of those he cared about, though on a more low-key level! Thought he was cute, wanted to know him, thought he deserved kisses! You know, things that seemed typical Merlin, but were already starting to get a step deeper than that. He also got to watch him be himself on the other side, charmed by his kindness, by his capable self, he didn't necessarily ever really put him on a pedestal of any sort. Just was interested in him being Him.
...part of the reason why he sent the stupid booty call message was like, 'Wouldn't it be funny if he got nonsensical message after all that drama? It'd take the tension out of the entire day! Hey maybe he'd laugh it over after it was all said and done!'
Not realizing he probably stressed him out lmao hence his sheepish reaction later on kind of like, oh maybe he'll forgive me? In another thread on the network closes eyes...
Him communicating he was actually touched by the memorial though! Actually some progress without him being arrogant about it. Also low-key still feeling shaken by the entire, 'people cared enough to leave that?' as a certain character has said, 'big gestures don't necessarily need to be a thing to leave impact'. Though arguably memorials are big gestures
Following that, next we got, of course, to the dream private conversation! Which was exciting because I could utilize Merlin's canon dream-related abilities to make happen for his single PC. Him visiting was essentially honestly a personally indulgent thing, though a small bit was like, 'well I should maybe sort of make up for bothering him and talk to him properly?' also still wanting to make good on his word from earlier to teach him a thing...there was a desire to pass on pertinent information about the administrators but that was not a foremost thought.
By that point, his desire to hang out with him were rooted in these previous things, and that is also how he felt he could trust him. His reactions, his previous actions, his personality had shown that even if he told him something important he would not spit anything out carelessly. Unlike some people might! But, anyway, generally this was playing around time but he wanted to offer Zelkov something substantial as well, and in the midst of all that...
Was the fact that he had begun to wonder, with everything he had seen, was he as inhuman as he thought he was? To give such deep consideration, about others, not just Zelkov. What could that mean? If he was so fond, was it just as his distant penchant of championing humans? Honestly, he didn't think he'd think far too much into it. Just to see how close he could get, based upon just the base desire to do so.
Then, well, when he realized he should reveal his intentions, he made another realization:
That he had regrets he hadn't been able to connect with the people he left behind, and didn't want to make the same mistake in not making things clear. Funnily enough, what helped this along further is Zelkov being like, 'I am not a good person', because that resonated with him, I wouldn't say for the best of reasons, but to someone who doesn't connect closely with people and hasn't for thousands of years, this was pretty huge.
...Though, it bears mentioning that despite this, when Zelkov asked Merlin if he felt the same, if he felt bad? I actually had to roll because if he got high enough he would have just been like 'yeah, actually, not really!' and probably ruined the entire thing closes eyes so it was entirely fate it worked out. Since he was still on the fence? About being honest and vulnerable? He was still taking a big step and Merlin is the type of person to potentially run away from commitment/the idea of being honest/being emotionally hurt or vulnerable.
But once he made that hurdle, that opened the gates for like...actual possible real character development to get to start rolling. Then, hearing Zelkov's response to all of that, that he understood, that was all he needed to hear. It instilled feelings within him that, given the type of person, and the fact that nothing was certain (even his condition after casting revival spell, due to certain reasons because fgo does deal with revival spells but one of the instances he knows of, a certain someone sacrifices a lot of their entire being as a sacrifice), there was no point to mull on things. He just went for it, even if he didn't know the validity of his own feelings, if it was just in the heat of the moment. And, there was a real desire to want to support Zelkov personally in his own way, even if he had no idea how to do that properly.
But in reality, that is really when he fell for him, and for the rest in that thread I can say with confidence 'what you see is what you get'. Including him being very giddy over the flower crown even if it was dream only...closes eyes, he's ridiculous.
The funniest thing is that regardless of whether or not things panned out my next plan of action was to like, have him reappear in another dream for the next 'private conversation' for the aftermath of the next week, but then uhhh cases happened so I was like: š§āāļø
What is going to happen now...
But! The bonus is that he got to learn more about Zelkov due to the memshare (Yunaka's like we agreed upon), and then Zelkov got to see I think arguably like one of Merlin's important memories. Which, at the time, I remembered 'I'm awful' comment but forgot he explained that he doesn't have emotions and everything in there so it was extremely hilarious. The fact he even mentioned it in the dream conversation was probably a godsend, because I forgot he mentioned it before the memory (I'm good at this), but hey it ended up being a good thing because it helped...facilitate development towards him being honest towards the people he cares about.
So! Zelkov dies, Merlin watches the trial, feeling kind of conflicted. Obvious reasons are that yay he gets to see someone he cares deeply about, but he died a brutal death, no way getting around that. Plus he still wasn't sure if he could pull off revival...despite him sounding very confident before. So now there was some more pressure, laughs, and also wondering how Zelkov would feel being stuck without being there physically to help, which also facilitated him telling what happened with Lacus. So, y'know.
Then, Zelkov arrives! He knows he has bad news, but despite the fact he could lie he chooses to be honest (look this is a big thing for him) and not make light of what happened so the gravitas of the situation is conveyed. But, he also wanted to finally do something indulgent like give him the scarf, which he made with his own hands...can't tell you how happy he was when Zelkov liked it, lmfao
Which is also why he got so goofy about it, and (it was intentional) repeated HEY DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ON YOU closes eyes which I'm SO glad he took notice. Anyway, the conversation they had here was also a pivotal turning point because uh...
Zelkov brought up the memory he saw of Merlin's everything and that is when things could have gone extremely bad, except! For the important fact that he never once showed any disdain towards him despite asking, so no rolling was necessary, because he could tell the other was listening, even if he was legit panicking that he wouldn't believe what he had to say about that. That he changed, that he could feel emotions, which he had been denying before.
Then, the fact the other told him what he did, and just asked him not to fake anything for him re: feelings essentially was what made him throw away any lingering reservations. And arguably just strengthen his own feelings and uh...made him sure he wanted to cast his lot with him despite even the longevity difference (though i'm squinting at any further consequences i was thinking of successful mass revival still but shrugs hands away) and ensured that he wouldn't so much as want to pull away. And you know, that Zelkov would be his One
ANYWAY THAT'S ABOUT IT because I went on too long now, Merlin is assuming Zelkov will let him go with him to his world, then they get rings and whatever happens next \o/
so here's some extras:
obligatory link to ship song and, well. lyrics, if you're curious.
Also, before I chicken out, this was Merlin's maid outfit in the GY fingerguns.
THANKS FOR SHIPPING WITH ME ERIC, IT WAS A BLAST...
So right from the beginning Merlin thought that Zelkov would be a fun target for pranks, but also dragging places. He never had any chances of evading parties as long as he was around, because immediately the vibes he got from him was, 'this is a guy who needs to have more fun in his life, look at his adorably dour face!' Which makes me so amused when you asked to have him nudged to the party...because Merlin really is an expert into annoying someone into saying yes. Or wanting to hit him in the face (and then agreeing later)
Anyway! There were bountiful amounts of surface-level curiosity to deep-seated ones because you know the saying 'eyes are the windows to the soul'? He thought he could see there was more to him just from that, and his explanation of his username. So it was like 'hmmmm how do I figure this guy out? can I get him to open up? Kissu times? [insert escalation here as well because it's Merlin and he does have a Type]'
But initially nothing too serious! However, the thing about Merlin is that he does have an interesting relationship with emotions (no pun intended) in that he can derive a certain amount of them when engaged in certain acts with people. Initially I assumed, based upon his previous murdergame experience, that it would not really come into play, but boy was I wrong. Because right from the start, it did with Zelkov foremost of all people, actually!
In the lore, when handing him a gift, or when he consumes something given to him, the first thing he can tell right away are some or all of the emotions put into it. When Zelkov just told him he could have one of the paper flowers he made, he was actually a little happy even if it were a simple thing. As a result, from that point he was thinking for awhile to give something back to him in return because that's what he does in the game! That's the sort of thing people usually do, right? Is his justification. Not that he didn't get a chance to, but it was on his mind (and I was going to like, justify it as a reason to poke you for another PC but I just died, not Merlin just yet. But me LMAO)
That aside! The surface-level curiosity only increased when he was like GATHERINGS ARE GREAT and Zelkov was like, Actually, wherein he could have just discarded his opinion because Merlin can be...that Kind of Way. But his empathy levels were actually a bit higher which allowed him to listen and genuinely want to get to know him better. What made him tick? Back to the, what's this guy's deal? Also, wouldn't it be fun to get him to learn other things? Potentially teaching him how to perform some pranks were on the list (once again another part of the PC I wanted to plan but see above), and so presumably they parted ways and you know they died
He didn't think too much of it, but as you know, right from the start...he saw that Zelkov was not only helping to take care of Fou, yet he also helped set up a little memorial with Lacus for him in the very beginning? Tbf I almost missed it because I'm not submissions location mod but I happened to be checking poll submissions for shits and giggles seeing that...anyways that was one of the little things that made him go like, 'ah? what????'
The thing about Merlin is that he is a very dishonest person, not only just to people, but to himself. Misdirection, omission, lying, delusions, the works. But part of that made him actually built upon his initial impression of the other man, even though they weren't particularly close. I'd like to say this was somewhat rather superficial, but he was one of the few people he technically had one of the most conversations with in the beginning (besides WWX), so his interest was genuine. And he can actually get attached rather quick.
Glances at how fast in the novel he decided 'oh actually i'm worried about this young girl i never met so contrary to my agenda i will warn her away from the thing' which doesn't make logical sense, which he even QUESTIONS himself about being so confused and never like. figures it out because he's emotionally dumb...but it's definitely the fact he can care real fast/get attached quick, yeah, closes eyes. It's just acknowledging it properly that's the crux of the matter, which he usually fails miserably about given his own schtick of HAHA I DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS but you see him literally freak out in Babylonia over Gilgamesh's 'death' and then he is so surprised he's like...'oh, I. don't understand what happened/what came over me! Weird!'
Smh
Anyways, Zelkov in his own way managed to become one of those he cared about, though on a more low-key level! Thought he was cute, wanted to know him, thought he deserved kisses! You know, things that seemed typical Merlin, but were already starting to get a step deeper than that. He also got to watch him be himself on the other side, charmed by his kindness, by his capable self, he didn't necessarily ever really put him on a pedestal of any sort. Just was interested in him being Him.
...part of the reason why he sent the stupid booty call message was like, 'Wouldn't it be funny if he got nonsensical message after all that drama? It'd take the tension out of the entire day! Hey maybe he'd laugh it over after it was all said and done!'
Not realizing he probably stressed him out lmao hence his sheepish reaction later on kind of like, oh maybe he'll forgive me? In another thread on the network closes eyes...
Him communicating he was actually touched by the memorial though! Actually some progress without him being arrogant about it. Also low-key still feeling shaken by the entire, 'people cared enough to leave that?' as a certain character has said, 'big gestures don't necessarily need to be a thing to leave impact'. Though arguably memorials are big gestures
Following that, next we got, of course, to the dream private conversation! Which was exciting because I could utilize Merlin's canon dream-related abilities to make happen for his single PC. Him visiting was essentially honestly a personally indulgent thing, though a small bit was like, 'well I should maybe sort of make up for bothering him and talk to him properly?' also still wanting to make good on his word from earlier to teach him a thing...there was a desire to pass on pertinent information about the administrators but that was not a foremost thought.
By that point, his desire to hang out with him were rooted in these previous things, and that is also how he felt he could trust him. His reactions, his previous actions, his personality had shown that even if he told him something important he would not spit anything out carelessly. Unlike some people might! But, anyway, generally this was playing around time but he wanted to offer Zelkov something substantial as well, and in the midst of all that...
Was the fact that he had begun to wonder, with everything he had seen, was he as inhuman as he thought he was? To give such deep consideration, about others, not just Zelkov. What could that mean? If he was so fond, was it just as his distant penchant of championing humans? Honestly, he didn't think he'd think far too much into it. Just to see how close he could get, based upon just the base desire to do so.
Then, well, when he realized he should reveal his intentions, he made another realization:
That he had regrets he hadn't been able to connect with the people he left behind, and didn't want to make the same mistake in not making things clear. Funnily enough, what helped this along further is Zelkov being like, 'I am not a good person', because that resonated with him, I wouldn't say for the best of reasons, but to someone who doesn't connect closely with people and hasn't for thousands of years, this was pretty huge.
...Though, it bears mentioning that despite this, when Zelkov asked Merlin if he felt the same, if he felt bad? I actually had to roll because if he got high enough he would have just been like 'yeah, actually, not really!' and probably ruined the entire thing closes eyes so it was entirely fate it worked out. Since he was still on the fence? About being honest and vulnerable? He was still taking a big step and Merlin is the type of person to potentially run away from commitment/the idea of being honest/being emotionally hurt or vulnerable.
But once he made that hurdle, that opened the gates for like...actual possible real character development to get to start rolling. Then, hearing Zelkov's response to all of that, that he understood, that was all he needed to hear. It instilled feelings within him that, given the type of person, and the fact that nothing was certain (even his condition after casting revival spell, due to certain reasons because fgo does deal with revival spells but one of the instances he knows of, a certain someone sacrifices a lot of their entire being as a sacrifice), there was no point to mull on things. He just went for it, even if he didn't know the validity of his own feelings, if it was just in the heat of the moment. And, there was a real desire to want to support Zelkov personally in his own way, even if he had no idea how to do that properly.
But in reality, that is really when he fell for him, and for the rest in that thread I can say with confidence 'what you see is what you get'. Including him being very giddy over the flower crown even if it was dream only...closes eyes, he's ridiculous.
The funniest thing is that regardless of whether or not things panned out my next plan of action was to like, have him reappear in another dream for the next 'private conversation' for the aftermath of the next week, but then uhhh cases happened so I was like: š§āāļø
What is going to happen now...
But! The bonus is that he got to learn more about Zelkov due to the memshare (Yunaka's like we agreed upon), and then Zelkov got to see I think arguably like one of Merlin's important memories. Which, at the time, I remembered 'I'm awful' comment but forgot he explained that he doesn't have emotions and everything in there so it was extremely hilarious. The fact he even mentioned it in the dream conversation was probably a godsend, because I forgot he mentioned it before the memory (I'm good at this), but hey it ended up being a good thing because it helped...facilitate development towards him being honest towards the people he cares about.
So! Zelkov dies, Merlin watches the trial, feeling kind of conflicted. Obvious reasons are that yay he gets to see someone he cares deeply about, but he died a brutal death, no way getting around that. Plus he still wasn't sure if he could pull off revival...despite him sounding very confident before. So now there was some more pressure, laughs, and also wondering how Zelkov would feel being stuck without being there physically to help, which also facilitated him telling what happened with Lacus. So, y'know.
Then, Zelkov arrives! He knows he has bad news, but despite the fact he could lie he chooses to be honest (look this is a big thing for him) and not make light of what happened so the gravitas of the situation is conveyed. But, he also wanted to finally do something indulgent like give him the scarf, which he made with his own hands...can't tell you how happy he was when Zelkov liked it, lmfao
Which is also why he got so goofy about it, and (it was intentional) repeated HEY DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT IT ON YOU closes eyes which I'm SO glad he took notice. Anyway, the conversation they had here was also a pivotal turning point because uh...
Zelkov brought up the memory he saw of Merlin's everything and that is when things could have gone extremely bad, except! For the important fact that he never once showed any disdain towards him despite asking, so no rolling was necessary, because he could tell the other was listening, even if he was legit panicking that he wouldn't believe what he had to say about that. That he changed, that he could feel emotions, which he had been denying before.
Then, the fact the other told him what he did, and just asked him not to fake anything for him re: feelings essentially was what made him throw away any lingering reservations. And arguably just strengthen his own feelings and uh...made him sure he wanted to cast his lot with him despite even the longevity difference (though i'm squinting at any further consequences i was thinking of successful mass revival still but shrugs hands away) and ensured that he wouldn't so much as want to pull away. And you know, that Zelkov would be his One
ANYWAY THAT'S ABOUT IT because I went on too long now, Merlin is assuming Zelkov will let him go with him to his world, then they get rings and whatever happens next \o/
so here's some extras:
obligatory link to ship song and, well. lyrics, if you're curious.
Also, before I chicken out, this was Merlin's maid outfit in the GY fingerguns.
THANKS FOR SHIPPING WITH ME ERIC, IT WAS A BLAST...
How did this even happen??? Sorry this is rambling, Iāve written this over a way too long period of time. And I needed to be a yowling cat for this!
It's so nuts to me how Shigaraki and Ibuki/Moravia somehow managed to have a screwed up, yet still weirdly wholesome, connection? What a roller coaster ride.
Moravia originally contacted Shigaraki to test out the voice function and get a sense of whatās his deal. No more, no less. But then he said he had a world to destroy, starting off this wild domino chain. That entire first private conversation was incredibly fascinating to her.
āWhy wait on anyone else?ā At the time, she wasnāt too sure herself. Coupled with the rest of their discussion on their worldās society and treatment of those undesirable? It started to get her thinking about what she really wanted.
And so a week passes with nothing to really do but think a lot. In both forms, they were checking out the island, sometimes talking to the other vacationers, and generally cooperating if asked. Not to mention posting a bunch of ridiculous texts on their network.
But the entire time, theyāre trying to figure out why they have a such a fixation on Yuukiās answer. Like, while they did have an answer for Shigaraki when he asked why, they couldnāt help but wonder if that was really all. So why not think about it while theyāre in some sort of weird vacation away from everyone and everything theyāve ever known?
Letting them think about this and start coming to a conclusion is probably the worst thing that couldāve happened to their area of the world. Or just their world in general.
So by the time Shigaraki found Ibukiās text about wanting pictures of Fou getting the jump on Alice, Ibukiās sorted out his thoughts more about society and Yuuki. Their texts here were sort of a sounding board based off all theyāve been pondering, as well as another setup for the tone the rest of their CR will take.
Then the first trial happened.
At that point in time, Vergilius was one of their favorite people on the island, though he got overshadowed by the goose death. So they had enough investment in the outcome to pay attention to whatās going on. Which of course means they were fully paying attention when the whole Lobelia thing happened in front of their salad.
That was completely incomprehensible to Moravia (who transformed instinctively to avoid having to launder a white coat). Love is one of those things that she doesnāt get, so the whole series of events was interesting enough to watch while it was happening, but after? Mostly thoughts of āwhat did I just watchā. Being able to talk about the whole outcome with Shigaraki helped her get her vague thoughts on it in order.
Except thatās also the same conversation they had about love and justice. About self-serving moral codes and what being human is. It informed a lot about how she feels about herself and about Shigaraki, making it even more obvious (not that it already wasnāt) why they vibe so much. Finally reaching an answer for what she wanted, and Shigarakiās insistence on them doing what they want, really lifted a weight off of her. And she wouldnāt have reached that point without their talks.
This made her really happy? Like she thought, it's nice to go against the grain and be happy about themselves anyway. Because for all their vibing, theyāre not 1:1 on everything. So she really enjoys talking to and getting to know him more. By the time they were both talking about superheroes and villains, it was pretty sealed for her that she liked Shigaraki a lot. Let him cook.
And since this is Ibuki/Moravia weāre talking about? Of course this means they started developing an attachment to him despite not being a Takanashi. They were that happy about being able to talk to someone they can relax around.
Yes, thereās the Toucans and Magolor, and theyāre pretty comfortable around them, but sadly, they didnāt have similar conversations about their world views. Sure, thereās a huge power imbalance there, but Ibuki/Moravia donāt have the same feeling of constantly gauging the othersā threat level when talking to Shigaraki. Because itās pretty much always the same? Constant? Like, yeah, heās always a threat to their life, no matter the week. Just the nature of the game. Not reason enough for them to avoid talking to him though. Or anyone. Itās not like murder is a dealbreaker for them.
Which is why Moravia offered to lend Shigaraki a hand after the Lobelia trial. Ostensibly, it was to āhelpā him with his report to Overhaul. (They never once actually helped.) But the double meaning there was that sheād help him keep his game going. Because now sheās dialing ``let him cook`` up to 11, like she does with anyone she cares about. Anyone in that category gets carte blanche from her to do whateverāher bias in action. And sheās invested in his plans for his world.
She wasnāt expecting Shigarakiās reaction to that at all. Because yeah, sheās no mind reader and has no idea about his association with hands. Something about the look on his face reminded her of Yukinami, the boy she escaped the research facility with. Her offer was always sincere, but his response threw her off. It did, however, reinforced her decision to help him, maybe even in a way she couldnāt help Yukinami.
Then the absolutely cursed combination of being chosen to fight Maxeta, Shigaraki giving Moravia loot for top DPS, and Ibuki/Moraviaās birthday being one day after happened.
What the hell? Seriously, what the emote hell. Now they set up this weird routine of Shigaraki bringing presents and Ibuki/Moravia bringing sushi and snacks while playing video games. Theyāre just off having a blast committing sleep crimes and causing chaos in their wake. Team Fun energy all the way!
And yet another turning point: Thursday. The night they killed Skywarp, a.k.a somehow the culmination of everything they decided on in one messy robot-shaped package.
Itās actually nuts to me how much better in Ibuki/Moraviaās mental state got after this? Because in a way everything happened in a way that validated their thoughts throughout this whole vacation, and somehow made them closer to their own cabana at the same time. I wasnāt prepared for this swerve? I still wonder how different things couldāve been if they did die here, considering how much this entire case impacted how they interact with everyone around them.
But this is actually supposed to be a writeup for Shigaraki despite my rambling, so! Yeah, there was no turning back from this. Kao laughing in the background as they hung out more and more. Itās not like they dislike the others (in fact, they do like a handful quite a bit at the end), but theyāre always at their more relaxed around Shigaraki. Which is really funny because itās not like theyāre unaware Shigarakiās a mastermind. But they genuinely enjoy being around him. It didnāt actually bother them that much (his biases can do whatever the hell they want) until there were more and more signs that the island was near collapse.
So then it was time for them to outright tell themselves that āright, this canāt last for much longerā. And it bothered them in a way they didnāt want to say out loud. Because even though they logically knows what their situation is, theyāve emotionally tied themselves to Shigaraki. The only saving grace was that theyāre always resigned to have their own feelings be one-sided. No matter what he feels about someone or something, he always expects the other side to not think the same way. Even the people closest to him from home, Yukinami and Hyuga, arenāt exempt from this.
When Shigaraki asked Moravia what she wanted after the final trial, it threw her for a loop. What could she say? So she answered him with hypothetical futures, an attempt to get her thoughts across. She promised to lend him a hand, and that includes avoiding acting in a way that would impede his game. Of course she has self-preservation, but that came secondary to her feelings. If she wasnāt like that, then she wouldnāt be constantly leading monster of the week attacks on Theta.
But he took it all seriously, saying that heāll figure things out. She wasnāt expecting that. Sheās used to being more disconnected from people. And yet here he was, saying something completely contrary to her expectations.
Still, she wanted to respond in kind. So she tried to be as clear as possible that she wouldnāt change her mind about walking with him. Why would she let go of something like this? Youād have better luck telling her not to drink from an oasis when sheās dying of dehydration. And so they made another deal, clasping hands at their impromptu hideout.
(Ibuki/Moraviaās feelings certainly werenāt only platonic by then. Insert sighing cat here.)
Yeaaaah, there was zero way theyād side with the group against Shigaraki, especially after that. And that colored a lot of the way they approached endgame, OOC situations aside. Itās not like they disliked the group, but they simply care too much about him to even entertain the thought. Thatās why anyone implying any sort of violence towards Shigaraki got a drop in their affection gauge. Merlin got his own bottom tier because bruh, they heard all that talk about killing them in a way that actually does annoy them.
So it was a relief for them when they decided right before the Overhaul boss fight that they no longer needed to go above and beyond with cooperating with the group. Of course, theyād help the handful of people they like a lot, but at that point, they prioritize Shigarakiās safety. Thereād be no hesitation to fight for him if it came down to that. (Iām so glad it didnāt because that wouldāve been hard to write that day. Also theyād have to throw away Skywarpās and Aliceās gifts out of wariness towards Merlinās magic. :( ) The biased simp in action, folks.
Anyway, this was a lot to say that I hope they have fun bad ending their worlds and then meeting up to swap pictures and stories! I love their weirdly wholesome dynamic despite the whole destruction thing they have going on. And so many of their tags sent me floating into outer space. I think Iām like 13 galaxies away now.
(I feel like I could say more but this was getting long. And I think Iām kinda drunk still. Maybe Iāll think of something I missed. Thatās kinda terrifying. Truly these two are a roller coaster from hell.)
tl;dr: I wasnāt expecting them to disaster gremlin their way into Team Fun. And this totally isnāt the gaming buddies to marriage pipeline, yāall?!
It's so nuts to me how Shigaraki and Ibuki/Moravia somehow managed to have a screwed up, yet still weirdly wholesome, connection? What a roller coaster ride.
Moravia originally contacted Shigaraki to test out the voice function and get a sense of whatās his deal. No more, no less. But then he said he had a world to destroy, starting off this wild domino chain. That entire first private conversation was incredibly fascinating to her.
āWhy wait on anyone else?ā At the time, she wasnāt too sure herself. Coupled with the rest of their discussion on their worldās society and treatment of those undesirable? It started to get her thinking about what she really wanted.
And so a week passes with nothing to really do but think a lot. In both forms, they were checking out the island, sometimes talking to the other vacationers, and generally cooperating if asked. Not to mention posting a bunch of ridiculous texts on their network.
But the entire time, theyāre trying to figure out why they have a such a fixation on Yuukiās answer. Like, while they did have an answer for Shigaraki when he asked why, they couldnāt help but wonder if that was really all. So why not think about it while theyāre in some sort of weird vacation away from everyone and everything theyāve ever known?
Letting them think about this and start coming to a conclusion is probably the worst thing that couldāve happened to their area of the world. Or just their world in general.
So by the time Shigaraki found Ibukiās text about wanting pictures of Fou getting the jump on Alice, Ibukiās sorted out his thoughts more about society and Yuuki. Their texts here were sort of a sounding board based off all theyāve been pondering, as well as another setup for the tone the rest of their CR will take.
Then the first trial happened.
At that point in time, Vergilius was one of their favorite people on the island, though he got overshadowed by the goose death. So they had enough investment in the outcome to pay attention to whatās going on. Which of course means they were fully paying attention when the whole Lobelia thing happened in front of their salad.
That was completely incomprehensible to Moravia (who transformed instinctively to avoid having to launder a white coat). Love is one of those things that she doesnāt get, so the whole series of events was interesting enough to watch while it was happening, but after? Mostly thoughts of āwhat did I just watchā. Being able to talk about the whole outcome with Shigaraki helped her get her vague thoughts on it in order.
Except thatās also the same conversation they had about love and justice. About self-serving moral codes and what being human is. It informed a lot about how she feels about herself and about Shigaraki, making it even more obvious (not that it already wasnāt) why they vibe so much. Finally reaching an answer for what she wanted, and Shigarakiās insistence on them doing what they want, really lifted a weight off of her. And she wouldnāt have reached that point without their talks.
This made her really happy? Like she thought, it's nice to go against the grain and be happy about themselves anyway. Because for all their vibing, theyāre not 1:1 on everything. So she really enjoys talking to and getting to know him more. By the time they were both talking about superheroes and villains, it was pretty sealed for her that she liked Shigaraki a lot. Let him cook.
And since this is Ibuki/Moravia weāre talking about? Of course this means they started developing an attachment to him despite not being a Takanashi. They were that happy about being able to talk to someone they can relax around.
Yes, thereās the Toucans and Magolor, and theyāre pretty comfortable around them, but sadly, they didnāt have similar conversations about their world views. Sure, thereās a huge power imbalance there, but Ibuki/Moravia donāt have the same feeling of constantly gauging the othersā threat level when talking to Shigaraki. Because itās pretty much always the same? Constant? Like, yeah, heās always a threat to their life, no matter the week. Just the nature of the game. Not reason enough for them to avoid talking to him though. Or anyone. Itās not like murder is a dealbreaker for them.
Which is why Moravia offered to lend Shigaraki a hand after the Lobelia trial. Ostensibly, it was to āhelpā him with his report to Overhaul. (They never once actually helped.) But the double meaning there was that sheād help him keep his game going. Because now sheās dialing ``let him cook`` up to 11, like she does with anyone she cares about. Anyone in that category gets carte blanche from her to do whateverāher bias in action. And sheās invested in his plans for his world.
She wasnāt expecting Shigarakiās reaction to that at all. Because yeah, sheās no mind reader and has no idea about his association with hands. Something about the look on his face reminded her of Yukinami, the boy she escaped the research facility with. Her offer was always sincere, but his response threw her off. It did, however, reinforced her decision to help him, maybe even in a way she couldnāt help Yukinami.
Then the absolutely cursed combination of being chosen to fight Maxeta, Shigaraki giving Moravia loot for top DPS, and Ibuki/Moraviaās birthday being one day after happened.
What the hell? Seriously, what the emote hell. Now they set up this weird routine of Shigaraki bringing presents and Ibuki/Moravia bringing sushi and snacks while playing video games. Theyāre just off having a blast committing sleep crimes and causing chaos in their wake. Team Fun energy all the way!
And yet another turning point: Thursday. The night they killed Skywarp, a.k.a somehow the culmination of everything they decided on in one messy robot-shaped package.
Itās actually nuts to me how much better in Ibuki/Moraviaās mental state got after this? Because in a way everything happened in a way that validated their thoughts throughout this whole vacation, and somehow made them closer to their own cabana at the same time. I wasnāt prepared for this swerve? I still wonder how different things couldāve been if they did die here, considering how much this entire case impacted how they interact with everyone around them.
But this is actually supposed to be a writeup for Shigaraki despite my rambling, so! Yeah, there was no turning back from this. Kao laughing in the background as they hung out more and more. Itās not like they dislike the others (in fact, they do like a handful quite a bit at the end), but theyāre always at their more relaxed around Shigaraki. Which is really funny because itās not like theyāre unaware Shigarakiās a mastermind. But they genuinely enjoy being around him. It didnāt actually bother them that much (his biases can do whatever the hell they want) until there were more and more signs that the island was near collapse.
So then it was time for them to outright tell themselves that āright, this canāt last for much longerā. And it bothered them in a way they didnāt want to say out loud. Because even though they logically knows what their situation is, theyāve emotionally tied themselves to Shigaraki. The only saving grace was that theyāre always resigned to have their own feelings be one-sided. No matter what he feels about someone or something, he always expects the other side to not think the same way. Even the people closest to him from home, Yukinami and Hyuga, arenāt exempt from this.
When Shigaraki asked Moravia what she wanted after the final trial, it threw her for a loop. What could she say? So she answered him with hypothetical futures, an attempt to get her thoughts across. She promised to lend him a hand, and that includes avoiding acting in a way that would impede his game. Of course she has self-preservation, but that came secondary to her feelings. If she wasnāt like that, then she wouldnāt be constantly leading monster of the week attacks on Theta.
But he took it all seriously, saying that heāll figure things out. She wasnāt expecting that. Sheās used to being more disconnected from people. And yet here he was, saying something completely contrary to her expectations.
Still, she wanted to respond in kind. So she tried to be as clear as possible that she wouldnāt change her mind about walking with him. Why would she let go of something like this? Youād have better luck telling her not to drink from an oasis when sheās dying of dehydration. And so they made another deal, clasping hands at their impromptu hideout.
(Ibuki/Moraviaās feelings certainly werenāt only platonic by then. Insert sighing cat here.)
Yeaaaah, there was zero way theyād side with the group against Shigaraki, especially after that. And that colored a lot of the way they approached endgame, OOC situations aside. Itās not like they disliked the group, but they simply care too much about him to even entertain the thought. Thatās why anyone implying any sort of violence towards Shigaraki got a drop in their affection gauge. Merlin got his own bottom tier because bruh, they heard all that talk about killing them in a way that actually does annoy them.
So it was a relief for them when they decided right before the Overhaul boss fight that they no longer needed to go above and beyond with cooperating with the group. Of course, theyād help the handful of people they like a lot, but at that point, they prioritize Shigarakiās safety. Thereād be no hesitation to fight for him if it came down to that. (Iām so glad it didnāt because that wouldāve been hard to write that day. Also theyād have to throw away Skywarpās and Aliceās gifts out of wariness towards Merlinās magic. :( ) The biased simp in action, folks.
Anyway, this was a lot to say that I hope they have fun bad ending their worlds and then meeting up to swap pictures and stories! I love their weirdly wholesome dynamic despite the whole destruction thing they have going on. And so many of their tags sent me floating into outer space. I think Iām like 13 galaxies away now.
(I feel like I could say more but this was getting long. And I think Iām kinda drunk still. Maybe Iāll think of something I missed. Thatās kinda terrifying. Truly these two are a roller coaster from hell.)
tl;dr: I wasnāt expecting them to disaster gremlin their way into Team Fun. And this totally isnāt the gaming buddies to marriage pipeline, yāall?!
hmm for a start
ibuki/moravia was pinged by walt and crea's conversation on love, because trying to understand something and then rip it out was really relevant to them. not necessarily love though, but humanity in general
i also found it hilarious how opposite they were as killers who got away with it! since moravia only really helped with maxeta and then got increasingly less and less helpful to the group, while walt was boss battle mvp for xiao and beyond. the two dichotomies lol
hi5s sadly in athos
ibuki/moravia was pinged by walt and crea's conversation on love, because trying to understand something and then rip it out was really relevant to them. not necessarily love though, but humanity in general
i also found it hilarious how opposite they were as killers who got away with it! since moravia only really helped with maxeta and then got increasingly less and less helpful to the group, while walt was boss battle mvp for xiao and beyond. the two dichotomies lol
hi5s sadly in athos
oh good now i can tap you for this without shame ąø
^ā¢ļ»ā¢^ąø
"i wanna play a girl for murder since i'm not shipping" -yew, a clown, 2023
So as you know I was mostly canonblind, and my main impression going in was from his permissions page. I actually expected this to be fairly light CR because she would have put a little more distance very quickly if he started flirting (like she initially did with Wang Lu). And then he made a very positive impression right from the start?! At first she was intrigued because his powers sounded a little creepy, and she was drawn to other people who might be thought of as "monstrous" because of what they could do. Then he compounded that by showing off his responsible side with the people he had to protect, and earned extra points by being upfront that he thought people were going to be willing to kill. She liked that he was straightforward and didn't treat her like she was stupid or fragile, and she started projecting Medea onto him pretty quickly. "The deaths I have caused simply lay in my past. I've never killed unnecessarily or without good reason, so it doesn't weigh on my mind." is something that resonated with her deeply. The Medea similarity, the strength of his convictions, and the fact that he was so direct and unapologetic about it was the tipping point for her deciding that she trusted him and wanted to know more about him. Partially from the projecting, but also from the hints of his past that he let drop, she assumed that (like Medea) he was someone who'd become strong through suffering and still wanted to protect the people weaker than him. She enjoyed the playful side of his personality ā and because her friends back home are so serious, she was happy to have someone she could be silly with ā but she really wanted to know more about the serious side of him and what he believed in.
Basically the entire PC post Merlinās death was really pivotal to her view of him and their relationship. She was comforted to see someone else upset about the situation, and it left her with the impression that Wei Wuxian was someone who cared about others readily and who wanted to be able to take action against things he saw as wrong. (And being able to comfort someone else also calmed Psyche down considerably, which was a huge affinity boost for her!) This was probably the early stages of her crush setting in, although she was really not thinking of that at the time. Itās definitely what made her tell Medea that she thought he was trustworthy. Her choosing to reveal Medea to him after the first trial basically cemented that trust; as far as she could tell he never told anyone, and he never even showed any doubt towards her about any of the subsequent cases. All of that came together into her feeling incredibly safe with him and letting her guard down completely, which is also when she begins opening up more genuinely and being more playful with people in general. There was never a point in LR where she really worried about her own physical safety (unfortunately?!), but feeling cared for and supported was actually a much bigger deal to her. It was also really important to her that he never tried to restrict her! That he seemed to trust her judgment and didn't argue about her doing things like stopping her own heart made her feel like she didn't need to hide things from him, and drew a lot of contrasting comparisons in her mind to Eros' overall controlling and condescending behavior. She always felt confident that Wei Wuxian saw her as her own person and an equal.
āThis is going to be slowburn, probably.ā ātwo clowns (wk 2 ~ wk 3 spa orgy, RIP)
At that point the die was prettymuch cast. She was down bad and trying to ignore it when the spa curfew happened. Wei Wuxian being vulnerable there + the stupidly emotionally charged spin the bottle kiss doomed her; she realized she was crushing basically the moment she felt a little jealous about him kissing Waltaquin, and by the time Wang Lu was nudging her about her feelings, was already in full polite emotional retreat. She was actually planning to talk things over with Wang Lu because she trusted his pespective but then COUGHS COUGHS things promptly escalated and sent her into a midkey panic, because she really wasn't prepared to get into a relationship again and also had a lot of reservations about how able or willing she was to love romantically after everything that happened with Eros. She was genuinely trying to figure out if she could still extricate herself and just hook up WWX and Wang Lu instead (if it was more casual on WWX's side), but then he came right out with his feelings and she couldn't really lie to him in return. She still doesn't know how to talk about the Eros situation very directly, but she did think she conveyed her doubts about her own role in a romantic relationship here. Bringing in Wang Lu actually made her feel safer that even if she couldn't love them properly, they could take care of each other. (And on some level, WWX clowning himself into a threesome with gay chicken and Psyche clowning herself into a threesome by going "I know! I can keep a safer emotional distance by involving more people I love" kind of deserve each other. I am very sorry to Wang Lu for their everything but at least he's doubly adored.)
And then WWX got his dumb ass poisoned and it was ride or die from there THANKS BILLY FOR THE DOUBLE ROMANCE ASSIST.
It's so personally funny to me that the throuple's first quality time was the h/c post-poisoning, but also, it worked really well for them?? It reinforced for Psyche the way all three of them try to conceal problems from others in similar ways (Wang Lu's humor, WWX's flippancy, Psyche's smiling deflections) and made her more determined to keep a closer eye on both of them and to try to be more forward with her own problems (a work in progress but hey). This also pulls her out of the idea that she's just standing in until the two of them are settled for themselves, and really makes concrete for her that all three of them are a team that need each other. The poisoning itself hit a weirdly specific trauma (cw blood and gross) for Psyche about the last time she was unable to help people with her healing, which... actually led directly to the PC later that week, where it was WWX that got her thinking again about who she would want to be without her powers. Psyche in canon is still looking for her answer about what kind of future she wants, and this was her first step towards her having an answer for that, which culminated both in her deciding to leave with the two of them and in being willing to give up her powers. She deeply respected the way WWX managed to build himself back up once at the Burial Mounds, and that gave her the confidence to picture what form that would take for her. Even if with the memshares the next week she also promptly saw the negative sides of that...
Week 5 and 6 both being "Psyche Comprehends the Horrors" was so funny but uh. LMAO. Seeing him at his absolute worst* via memshare was unexpectedly a pretty necessary step for their relationship for her. (*if there's worse than this in MDZS that is just going to be a fun surprise later KFDSJFKLS) Her view of him in LR was probably a little rose-tinted, something she knows she's prone to, and which really came back to bite her with Eros before. Despite that, all of her concerns about their relationship were about her own emotional damage, and never because she distrusted him. Learning that he has the capacity to be incredibly cruel in the right circumstances actually... was a relief! It was obviously terrible for her to see, but it really left her no more room for uncertainty or questioning her own judgment, because she finally felt she knew him in his entirety. It might have been more gruesome than anything she's seen firsthand, but it wasn't really any more vicious than what Medea or Helio is capable of, and she has the ability to accept that kind of violence arising from deep rage much more than she can violence from indifference. She came away from that conversation reassured that he's moving away from being the sort of person who would do that (basically an arc she's already had practice accepting with Medea) and also secure that he can accept her coming into conflict with him over it. It set the groundwork for the idea that they can have a relationship where their ideals clash (possibly intensely) and they can still care about and respect each other. And, most of all, she felt like he was finally letting her see how much damage he does to himself with his self-sacrificing streak and letting her comfort him. Her takeaway from all of it was really feeling like they were equals in the relationship and an even more intense desire to protect him, potentially by fighting him to keep him from doing this kind of thing to himself if it came to that.
That they were in a really solid place was definitely a godsend for all of Week 6's everything. She did withdraw a tiny bit post-Billy because she was still trying to make sense of her feelings, plus worrying about being able to keep Waltaquin's secret otherwise. (FTR she did trust him enough to tell him! But she also didn't want to pass the burden, and she was afraid of letting her resolve slip.) She also wanted the space to process her thoughts on what she would do in the best-case scenario that they won and could leave, in light of knowing that WWX and Wang Lu would be fine together. There was definitely some backsliding back towards some of her worse habits here (please WL teach them what depression is so the Ye Olde Fantasy characters have context) BUT with Medea's help and a boost from just being really, really mad at so many things, she did finally decide that she wanted to believe in the future and she'd let herself seek happiness with them. WWX making the same choice definitely helped here, since she can see the self-sacrificing streak in context in him and course correct in herself. If he's trying to be better, then she has to, too! At the point that she gave him the sword charm and told him she'd go back with the two of them, she was still ICly deathflagging a little. She figured there was a very high probability of her dying vs the administrators (because she intended to keep fighting alone if the others could be sent back) or when Waltaquin killing Nona came out.
But none of that happening and then all of them simply running out of time to drag things out forced her hand (positive) and, somewhat despite her expectations, she and everyone survived the final confrontation. Her own feelings about the outcome are still decidedly mixed ā she definitely feels some pushback at WWX saying "we got the results we wanted," knowing that her own goals were slightly out of sync ā but after a little more time to unravel what she's feeling, she'll be inclined to agree. She's a little troubled by WWX having to give up his powers again even though she knows the context behind it, but she also has optimism that the three of them are going to get the good end outcome they dreamed of (and which she! frankly!! feels they earned!!!). And she knows WWX is in the same position as her, where they're powerless to help the people they've left behind right now and they just have to swallow that and keep on moving. He really helped her complete the arc that she was working on in canon, from a head-first self-destructive rush to fight a situation even if it was futile to... actually accepting that sometimes you lose things and you have to get back up and keep going without tearing yourself to pieces over it. His resilience is one of the things she admires most about him, and it's one of the things she wants to share going forward, even as she's working on protecting him a little more so he doesn't need to use it. She doesn't think he'll ever be able to go back to being as carefree as he described himself being as a kid, but she wants to be part of making him happier and seeing what form that takes for him in the future. The fact that they're both still growing is absolutely their happily-ever-after, to her.
So as you know I was mostly canonblind, and my main impression going in was from his permissions page. I actually expected this to be fairly light CR because she would have put a little more distance very quickly if he started flirting (like she initially did with Wang Lu). And then he made a very positive impression right from the start?! At first she was intrigued because his powers sounded a little creepy, and she was drawn to other people who might be thought of as "monstrous" because of what they could do. Then he compounded that by showing off his responsible side with the people he had to protect, and earned extra points by being upfront that he thought people were going to be willing to kill. She liked that he was straightforward and didn't treat her like she was stupid or fragile, and she started projecting Medea onto him pretty quickly. "The deaths I have caused simply lay in my past. I've never killed unnecessarily or without good reason, so it doesn't weigh on my mind." is something that resonated with her deeply. The Medea similarity, the strength of his convictions, and the fact that he was so direct and unapologetic about it was the tipping point for her deciding that she trusted him and wanted to know more about him. Partially from the projecting, but also from the hints of his past that he let drop, she assumed that (like Medea) he was someone who'd become strong through suffering and still wanted to protect the people weaker than him. She enjoyed the playful side of his personality ā and because her friends back home are so serious, she was happy to have someone she could be silly with ā but she really wanted to know more about the serious side of him and what he believed in.
Basically the entire PC post Merlinās death was really pivotal to her view of him and their relationship. She was comforted to see someone else upset about the situation, and it left her with the impression that Wei Wuxian was someone who cared about others readily and who wanted to be able to take action against things he saw as wrong. (And being able to comfort someone else also calmed Psyche down considerably, which was a huge affinity boost for her!) This was probably the early stages of her crush setting in, although she was really not thinking of that at the time. Itās definitely what made her tell Medea that she thought he was trustworthy. Her choosing to reveal Medea to him after the first trial basically cemented that trust; as far as she could tell he never told anyone, and he never even showed any doubt towards her about any of the subsequent cases. All of that came together into her feeling incredibly safe with him and letting her guard down completely, which is also when she begins opening up more genuinely and being more playful with people in general. There was never a point in LR where she really worried about her own physical safety (unfortunately?!), but feeling cared for and supported was actually a much bigger deal to her. It was also really important to her that he never tried to restrict her! That he seemed to trust her judgment and didn't argue about her doing things like stopping her own heart made her feel like she didn't need to hide things from him, and drew a lot of contrasting comparisons in her mind to Eros' overall controlling and condescending behavior. She always felt confident that Wei Wuxian saw her as her own person and an equal.
āThis is going to be slowburn, probably.ā ātwo clowns (wk 2 ~ wk 3 spa orgy, RIP)
At that point the die was prettymuch cast. She was down bad and trying to ignore it when the spa curfew happened. Wei Wuxian being vulnerable there + the stupidly emotionally charged spin the bottle kiss doomed her; she realized she was crushing basically the moment she felt a little jealous about him kissing Waltaquin, and by the time Wang Lu was nudging her about her feelings, was already in full polite emotional retreat. She was actually planning to talk things over with Wang Lu because she trusted his pespective but then COUGHS COUGHS things promptly escalated and sent her into a midkey panic, because she really wasn't prepared to get into a relationship again and also had a lot of reservations about how able or willing she was to love romantically after everything that happened with Eros. She was genuinely trying to figure out if she could still extricate herself and just hook up WWX and Wang Lu instead (if it was more casual on WWX's side), but then he came right out with his feelings and she couldn't really lie to him in return. She still doesn't know how to talk about the Eros situation very directly, but she did think she conveyed her doubts about her own role in a romantic relationship here. Bringing in Wang Lu actually made her feel safer that even if she couldn't love them properly, they could take care of each other. (And on some level, WWX clowning himself into a threesome with gay chicken and Psyche clowning herself into a threesome by going "I know! I can keep a safer emotional distance by involving more people I love" kind of deserve each other. I am very sorry to Wang Lu for their everything but at least he's doubly adored.)
And then WWX got his dumb ass poisoned and it was ride or die from there THANKS BILLY FOR THE DOUBLE ROMANCE ASSIST.
It's so personally funny to me that the throuple's first quality time was the h/c post-poisoning, but also, it worked really well for them?? It reinforced for Psyche the way all three of them try to conceal problems from others in similar ways (Wang Lu's humor, WWX's flippancy, Psyche's smiling deflections) and made her more determined to keep a closer eye on both of them and to try to be more forward with her own problems (a work in progress but hey). This also pulls her out of the idea that she's just standing in until the two of them are settled for themselves, and really makes concrete for her that all three of them are a team that need each other. The poisoning itself hit a weirdly specific trauma (cw blood and gross) for Psyche about the last time she was unable to help people with her healing, which... actually led directly to the PC later that week, where it was WWX that got her thinking again about who she would want to be without her powers. Psyche in canon is still looking for her answer about what kind of future she wants, and this was her first step towards her having an answer for that, which culminated both in her deciding to leave with the two of them and in being willing to give up her powers. She deeply respected the way WWX managed to build himself back up once at the Burial Mounds, and that gave her the confidence to picture what form that would take for her. Even if with the memshares the next week she also promptly saw the negative sides of that...
Week 5 and 6 both being "Psyche Comprehends the Horrors" was so funny but uh. LMAO. Seeing him at his absolute worst* via memshare was unexpectedly a pretty necessary step for their relationship for her. (*if there's worse than this in MDZS that is just going to be a fun surprise later KFDSJFKLS) Her view of him in LR was probably a little rose-tinted, something she knows she's prone to, and which really came back to bite her with Eros before. Despite that, all of her concerns about their relationship were about her own emotional damage, and never because she distrusted him. Learning that he has the capacity to be incredibly cruel in the right circumstances actually... was a relief! It was obviously terrible for her to see, but it really left her no more room for uncertainty or questioning her own judgment, because she finally felt she knew him in his entirety. It might have been more gruesome than anything she's seen firsthand, but it wasn't really any more vicious than what Medea or Helio is capable of, and she has the ability to accept that kind of violence arising from deep rage much more than she can violence from indifference. She came away from that conversation reassured that he's moving away from being the sort of person who would do that (basically an arc she's already had practice accepting with Medea) and also secure that he can accept her coming into conflict with him over it. It set the groundwork for the idea that they can have a relationship where their ideals clash (possibly intensely) and they can still care about and respect each other. And, most of all, she felt like he was finally letting her see how much damage he does to himself with his self-sacrificing streak and letting her comfort him. Her takeaway from all of it was really feeling like they were equals in the relationship and an even more intense desire to protect him, potentially by fighting him to keep him from doing this kind of thing to himself if it came to that.
That they were in a really solid place was definitely a godsend for all of Week 6's everything. She did withdraw a tiny bit post-Billy because she was still trying to make sense of her feelings, plus worrying about being able to keep Waltaquin's secret otherwise. (FTR she did trust him enough to tell him! But she also didn't want to pass the burden, and she was afraid of letting her resolve slip.) She also wanted the space to process her thoughts on what she would do in the best-case scenario that they won and could leave, in light of knowing that WWX and Wang Lu would be fine together. There was definitely some backsliding back towards some of her worse habits here (please WL teach them what depression is so the Ye Olde Fantasy characters have context) BUT with Medea's help and a boost from just being really, really mad at so many things, she did finally decide that she wanted to believe in the future and she'd let herself seek happiness with them. WWX making the same choice definitely helped here, since she can see the self-sacrificing streak in context in him and course correct in herself. If he's trying to be better, then she has to, too! At the point that she gave him the sword charm and told him she'd go back with the two of them, she was still ICly deathflagging a little. She figured there was a very high probability of her dying vs the administrators (because she intended to keep fighting alone if the others could be sent back) or when Waltaquin killing Nona came out.
But none of that happening and then all of them simply running out of time to drag things out forced her hand (positive) and, somewhat despite her expectations, she and everyone survived the final confrontation. Her own feelings about the outcome are still decidedly mixed ā she definitely feels some pushback at WWX saying "we got the results we wanted," knowing that her own goals were slightly out of sync ā but after a little more time to unravel what she's feeling, she'll be inclined to agree. She's a little troubled by WWX having to give up his powers again even though she knows the context behind it, but she also has optimism that the three of them are going to get the good end outcome they dreamed of (and which she! frankly!! feels they earned!!!). And she knows WWX is in the same position as her, where they're powerless to help the people they've left behind right now and they just have to swallow that and keep on moving. He really helped her complete the arc that she was working on in canon, from a head-first self-destructive rush to fight a situation even if it was futile to... actually accepting that sometimes you lose things and you have to get back up and keep going without tearing yourself to pieces over it. His resilience is one of the things she admires most about him, and it's one of the things she wants to share going forward, even as she's working on protecting him a little more so he doesn't need to use it. She doesn't think he'll ever be able to go back to being as carefree as he described himself being as a kid, but she wants to be part of making him happier and seeing what form that takes for him in the future. The fact that they're both still growing is absolutely their happily-ever-after, to her.
best morb ā i'm bad at rambling coherently but here's try #1
Magolor was the one of the very few outside the Toucans that Ibuki/Moravia would've tried to redirect fire from if they were ever hard accused during the trials. (The only one for most of the game, actually.) He's a great gaming buddy, quick on the uptake, and generally just fun to be around. What's not to like? And after he answered the call after the Maxeta battle, Magolor had at least one (1) free pass from them to do whatever he wanted.
(Gonna generally stick with Ibuki from this point forward, since that's the icon I randomized.)
So if Magolor did ask him if he killed Skywarp, he would've said yes and answered any other questions he had about it. I wouldn't say it's trust, because what is trust, but it's an acknowledgment that he likes Magolor? Which is a lot coming from him since he's so detached from people in general.
But Magolor had just the right amount of chill and friendly without being pushing the power of friendship as the ultimate solution! And he appreciates that a lot, since his affection gauge automatically empties every time someone seriously says that the power of friendship will solve the day. Thanks for being both brains and brawn, because Ibuki totally checked out by the final battle.
He also appreciates their final conversation a lot! Like, he's more than okay with cutting himself from the group, but he still likes a handful as individuals and wants to see them again, Magolor included. So making plans to visit is something he's pretty happy about, and he's willing to step into the kitchen again for it. (Insert his not!babysitter screaming here.)
While he's gonna be busy with his own world, Ibuki's definitely going to stop over with snacks and stories soon enough. And he'll definitely visit Magoland. ♥
Magolor was the one of the very few outside the Toucans that Ibuki/Moravia would've tried to redirect fire from if they were ever hard accused during the trials. (The only one for most of the game, actually.) He's a great gaming buddy, quick on the uptake, and generally just fun to be around. What's not to like? And after he answered the call after the Maxeta battle, Magolor had at least one (1) free pass from them to do whatever he wanted.
(Gonna generally stick with Ibuki from this point forward, since that's the icon I randomized.)
So if Magolor did ask him if he killed Skywarp, he would've said yes and answered any other questions he had about it. I wouldn't say it's trust, because what is trust, but it's an acknowledgment that he likes Magolor? Which is a lot coming from him since he's so detached from people in general.
But Magolor had just the right amount of chill and friendly without being pushing the power of friendship as the ultimate solution! And he appreciates that a lot, since his affection gauge automatically empties every time someone seriously says that the power of friendship will solve the day. Thanks for being both brains and brawn, because Ibuki totally checked out by the final battle.
He also appreciates their final conversation a lot! Like, he's more than okay with cutting himself from the group, but he still likes a handful as individuals and wants to see them again, Magolor included. So making plans to visit is something he's pretty happy about, and he's willing to step into the kitchen again for it. (Insert his not!babysitter screaming here.)
While he's gonna be busy with his own world, Ibuki's definitely going to stop over with snacks and stories soon enough. And he'll definitely visit Magoland. ♥
ratshakes your disaster wizard in my furious fist I'M SO ANGRY THAT I CARE HIM
This is another relationship that honestly had no right to be as impactful as it was. I decided to assume that her world doesn't have Arthurian legend (even though it has Shakespeare smh) just to avoid giving myself headaches. So as a result she largely assumed he was bullshitting her at the beginning, and her attitude was basically "tee hee he's a funny little guy." She actually was mostly teasing him/just enjoying his company casually and then unexpectedly... he pulled out the philosophical conversations and the advice relatively early (BECAUSE SOME MONSTER KNEW THEY ONLY HAD ONE WEEK!!!! I TRAMPLE YOU UNDER MY HOOVES).
It probably seems like she leaped right to instant trust, but that wasn't quite it! She found him interesting to discuss things with, and she was leaning into advice Medea had given her ā essentially, that by being sincere and open with others, she makes them want to rise to meet her expectations. But she was genuinely touched by what he said about humans. Psyche, too, has seen some truly awful revolting irredeemable acts committed by people. Despite her overall softness, she's not all-forgiving. Sometimes the garbage has gotta go. She's still trying to feel this out for herself and really coalesce it into a moral system, so hearing essentially the more experienced and grounded take on that back from Merlin was actually a Very Big Deal to her. She's been alienated and isolated from other people by her nature, but still loves them deeply; she felt the same sentiment from Merlin particularly here. She began thinking they might be something like kindred spirits (as a bonus bc I took her after this canon point: basically this parallel). This could have pretty easily drifted into either a crush or a mentorship when SOMEONE WENT AND DIED HORRIBLY.
Merlin was actually the first and last death on the island she cried for. It hit her a lot harder than she expected! Partially the shock, and partially a genuine sense of loss. It made her realize how much more she'd wanted to talk to him about, which is when she decides that they were probably friends (at least from her side) even if it really was only briefly. She definitely ascribed the best possible motivations to his actions because she didn't get a chance to know him better, and the admins helped that along by providing a very flattering contrast; on the one hand she had Merlin, who clearly cared about people in his own way, and on the other hand these assholes, who didn't even seem to see them as people at all. (There is also uhhhh the whole contrast to the guardian god that blessed Psyche, which I got into on plurk, so: suffice it to say this is also flattering in Merlin's favor.) Combine that with Psyche's strong aversion to seeing people hurt, her tendency to dwell on her own mistakes, the fact that she hates standing idly by and ultimately... she was regretting a lot that Merlin didn't just take her along even if she would have died too. She's made reckless death charges before and she'll do it again, let her fistfight god.
Having some time for all of that to fester is another reason she was so giddy to hear from him again. It was like a second chance with her friend, and to maybe actually be able to do something to help him this time! She wanted to make up for her self-perceived failures before, but just being able to talk again was a really wonderful thing. Memshares was another great chance for her to get to know him a little more, and even if those memories were on the lighter side, two things there hit pretty hard: "The day he doesn't run is the day he'll die." (monster) and "Look, how was he to expect people would be happy to see him? It doesn't happen often, even when he does come and help out in a pinch!" This was a two-for-one giving bonus heroic gloss to what Merlin did. She's so upset that he acted out of character for himself (apparently?!), and reinforcing that he didn't expect people to actually value what he did just made her double down on her determination to care about him extra hard.
And then, from her perspective, he validated that feeling when he contacted her after Billygate. She was honestly so touched that he was worrying about her even though she considered what happened to her fairly minor. Having one other person who didn't forgive Billy, even though their reasons were different, soothed some of her spiraling even if telling her about how awful his death was increased... different spiraling... I made a lot of jokes about him quoting Dantes to her setting her on a revenge path, but it's not 100% wrong. Maybe Merlin made her Worse in this regard: seeing someone she respects still holding a bit of a grudge made her maybe indulge those feelings just a little! Even though at the end of the day she wants to be able to move past them. But what it ultimately coalesced into was the shape her moral resolve takes for endgame and post-LR: she hates seeing people hurt, and she won't stand by and let it happen anymore. If that means she has to kill in order to prevent it, she's determined to do so even if it would be hard for her. SO...... Merlin did in fact up her murder quotient just a little. (Thanks, king!) Like I already mentioned, if Merlin had chosen to stand and fight at the end then she probably would have, too; it's what she thought was more morally right.
Anyway despite not having much time together, Merlin ended up being a very important friend to her. She knows she doesn't have to worry about him being lonely since he's going to be playing house with Zelkov (A WARM CONGRATULATIONS TO HIM FOR THE W) but she's also going to take every opportunity to keep in touch now that they can and build a deeper relationship from knowing each other better. She does look up to him as a quasi-mentor, but she also thinks he needs a keeper, so she intends to keep an eye out for his well-being as a friend and give him either praise or scolding as the situation requires. ā” Most of all, she wants to make sure he's not isolating himself because of the whole ~oh I'm apart from humanity~ thing, and to know that he's cared for.
Also not being able to learn summoning from him anymore is one reason she had mixed feelings about losing her powers, so, he still owes her that after she makes cultivation progress so she can do a loving intervention when he starts hermitting again THANKS ā”ā”ā”ā”
Bonus: the song I associate with Psyche -> Merlin
This is another relationship that honestly had no right to be as impactful as it was. I decided to assume that her world doesn't have Arthurian legend (even though it has Shakespeare smh) just to avoid giving myself headaches. So as a result she largely assumed he was bullshitting her at the beginning, and her attitude was basically "tee hee he's a funny little guy." She actually was mostly teasing him/just enjoying his company casually and then unexpectedly... he pulled out the philosophical conversations and the advice relatively early (BECAUSE SOME MONSTER KNEW THEY ONLY HAD ONE WEEK!!!! I TRAMPLE YOU UNDER MY HOOVES).
It probably seems like she leaped right to instant trust, but that wasn't quite it! She found him interesting to discuss things with, and she was leaning into advice Medea had given her ā essentially, that by being sincere and open with others, she makes them want to rise to meet her expectations. But she was genuinely touched by what he said about humans. Psyche, too, has seen some truly awful revolting irredeemable acts committed by people. Despite her overall softness, she's not all-forgiving. Sometimes the garbage has gotta go. She's still trying to feel this out for herself and really coalesce it into a moral system, so hearing essentially the more experienced and grounded take on that back from Merlin was actually a Very Big Deal to her. She's been alienated and isolated from other people by her nature, but still loves them deeply; she felt the same sentiment from Merlin particularly here. She began thinking they might be something like kindred spirits (as a bonus bc I took her after this canon point: basically this parallel). This could have pretty easily drifted into either a crush or a mentorship when SOMEONE WENT AND DIED HORRIBLY.
Merlin was actually the first and last death on the island she cried for. It hit her a lot harder than she expected! Partially the shock, and partially a genuine sense of loss. It made her realize how much more she'd wanted to talk to him about, which is when she decides that they were probably friends (at least from her side) even if it really was only briefly. She definitely ascribed the best possible motivations to his actions because she didn't get a chance to know him better, and the admins helped that along by providing a very flattering contrast; on the one hand she had Merlin, who clearly cared about people in his own way, and on the other hand these assholes, who didn't even seem to see them as people at all. (There is also uhhhh the whole contrast to the guardian god that blessed Psyche, which I got into on plurk, so: suffice it to say this is also flattering in Merlin's favor.) Combine that with Psyche's strong aversion to seeing people hurt, her tendency to dwell on her own mistakes, the fact that she hates standing idly by and ultimately... she was regretting a lot that Merlin didn't just take her along even if she would have died too. She's made reckless death charges before and she'll do it again, let her fistfight god.
Having some time for all of that to fester is another reason she was so giddy to hear from him again. It was like a second chance with her friend, and to maybe actually be able to do something to help him this time! She wanted to make up for her self-perceived failures before, but just being able to talk again was a really wonderful thing. Memshares was another great chance for her to get to know him a little more, and even if those memories were on the lighter side, two things there hit pretty hard: "The day he doesn't run is the day he'll die." (monster) and "Look, how was he to expect people would be happy to see him? It doesn't happen often, even when he does come and help out in a pinch!" This was a two-for-one giving bonus heroic gloss to what Merlin did. She's so upset that he acted out of character for himself (apparently?!), and reinforcing that he didn't expect people to actually value what he did just made her double down on her determination to care about him extra hard.
And then, from her perspective, he validated that feeling when he contacted her after Billygate. She was honestly so touched that he was worrying about her even though she considered what happened to her fairly minor. Having one other person who didn't forgive Billy, even though their reasons were different, soothed some of her spiraling even if telling her about how awful his death was increased... different spiraling... I made a lot of jokes about him quoting Dantes to her setting her on a revenge path, but it's not 100% wrong. Maybe Merlin made her Worse in this regard: seeing someone she respects still holding a bit of a grudge made her maybe indulge those feelings just a little! Even though at the end of the day she wants to be able to move past them. But what it ultimately coalesced into was the shape her moral resolve takes for endgame and post-LR: she hates seeing people hurt, and she won't stand by and let it happen anymore. If that means she has to kill in order to prevent it, she's determined to do so even if it would be hard for her. SO...... Merlin did in fact up her murder quotient just a little. (Thanks, king!) Like I already mentioned, if Merlin had chosen to stand and fight at the end then she probably would have, too; it's what she thought was more morally right.
Anyway despite not having much time together, Merlin ended up being a very important friend to her. She knows she doesn't have to worry about him being lonely since he's going to be playing house with Zelkov (A WARM CONGRATULATIONS TO HIM FOR THE W) but she's also going to take every opportunity to keep in touch now that they can and build a deeper relationship from knowing each other better. She does look up to him as a quasi-mentor, but she also thinks he needs a keeper, so she intends to keep an eye out for his well-being as a friend and give him either praise or scolding as the situation requires. ā” Most of all, she wants to make sure he's not isolating himself because of the whole ~oh I'm apart from humanity~ thing, and to know that he's cared for.
Also not being able to learn summoning from him anymore is one reason she had mixed feelings about losing her powers, so, he still owes her that after she makes cultivation progress so she can do a loving intervention when he starts hermitting again THANKS ā”ā”ā”ā”
Bonus: the song I associate with Psyche -> Merlin
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